When you started dating her, perhaps you thought she was the girl of your dreams – fun and fabulous rolled into one. You were taken by her beauty, smarts and style. But as the weeks wear on, maybe all her fabulousness is wearing on you. That’s because you’re beginning to realize that your dream girl is really just a party girl – and not even trying to hide it.
She's Always the Life of the Party
If your girl invites you to lots of parties and tends to know everyone there, it’s likely that she’s no stranger to the party scene. If she introduces you to all her friends, who ignore you while she soaks up their attention, face it, she’s thriving on the partying mood, not on you.
No Alone Time
If you’re looking for some quiet, just-you-and-me time, but your girl wants the two of you to go to a party on Friday, the club on Saturday and meet up with a group of friends Sunday, it’s a good bet that you’re not utmost on her mind. She wants you as her date, but the party is where it's at for her. Simply put, a relationship isn't what she wants. She wants to party -- all the time.
Stone Cold Sober
If she’s a Debbie downer when the sun's too bright and there’s no booze to drink, chances are she’s not the one for you. If you offer a cozy Sunday breakfast for two and she says, "Um, eating bagels and reading the Sunday paper in bed is not for me, but hey, lots of hot coffee -- and make it black," you might want to give her the coffee to go.
It's All About Her
If you’re beginning to feel like a prop in your girl’s life, it’s likely because that’s just what you are. If she’s a party girl, she’s thinking, “Me, me, me” all the time. She’ll ask you things like, “Does this dress make me look fat?” And she’ll want you to tell her if she should wear her strapless dress with bare legs or sheer black stockings. But keep in mind that she's asking for your opinion only because she wants assurance that all the guys will think she's hot. You're just her entry card to the party where all the other guys can admire her. Ouch! If you’re not convinced this is true, ask her to wear an unattractive dress or suggest that you both go to a party in sweats and sneakers. If she’s a true party girl, she’ll scoff at your suggestion.
Tipsy All the Time
Does your girl get a lot of hangovers? Like every weekend? That’s because every time the two go to a party, she gets drunk -- or she's on some other substance. Sure, she’s fun when she’s tipsy, but as far as long-term prospects go, partying gets old -- and eventually every party ends.
You Have to Bail Her Out
It might take a call from the police station for you to accept that what you’ve got on your hands is a bona fide party girl. If you get a call asking you to pick her up at the local precinct because she got drunk and passed out in public, or got arrested for a DUI on her way home from a party, then you can’t deny her partying ways – especially if she was partying without you.
She's a Fake
A party girl’s glittery facade is just that -- a shallow persona that masks her insecurities. Once you recognize this, you’ll realize that she doesn't have a solid handle on how to live as a responsible person. You’ll see her for what she is -- a flawed human being -- like everybody is, but you’ll also know that long-term relationship won't work. That’s when it’s time to cash in your chips.
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Kathryn Esplin, a veteran copy editor, wrote for The Globe and Mail, The Montreal Gazette, and copy edited for Addison-Wesley, and several years for IDG. She holds a journalism degree from Medill and a B.A. in English from McGill. A memoir, "Of Things Human, Life, Remarriage, Death" was published in "Blended Families (Social Issues Firsthand)."