How Do I Spark Romance in My Marriage?

by Parker Janney

You've been married for years, and you're so comfortable together that you feel more like really good friends, roommates or even siblings than passionate partners. Your initial courtship may have been fiery and exciting, but somewhere in the course of real life, the romance has leaked out of your marriage like air out of a balloon. Because the initial feelings of early love are chemical and wear off after six to twelve months, you and your spouse need to work together to create romance in your relationship.

Go on dates. When you were still in the courtship phase, you dated all the time. Just because you are happily married doesn't mean you are resigned to a life of lounging in front of the TV in your pajamas watching "I Love Lucy" and eating nachos. Plan a special night out for you and your sweetie. Go back to the place where you had your first date. Pick one night every week when you will both dress up and head out on the town. Meet for lunch or a romantic walk during the workday.

Sleep together - literally. Going to bed at the same time as your spouse creates a framework for your busy day. You can unwind together, talk about the day's activities and plan for tomorrow. Ending the day together creates the potential for intimacy - emotional intimacy. Sexual intimacy can grow on the foundation of this intimacy.

Speak kindly. Once we've known someone for a long time, we might forget how to be polite and sometimes can be ruthless during arguments and fights. Hurtful language kills intimacy and can put a serious wedge between you that might fester for years. Remember to speak respectfully to your partner even when you disagree.

Shower together. Remember those early days, when showering together was so titillating and sensual? Revisit that experience of being carefree and vulnerable with your partner. Take turns washing each other. This doesn't have to lead to sex. Simply being together in this intimate way can increase feelings of romance.


About the Author

Parker Janney is a web developer and writer based in Philadelphia. With a Master of Arts in international politics, she has been ghostwriting for several underground publications since the late 2000s, with works featured in "Virtuoso," the "Philadelphia Anthropology Journal" and "Clutter" magazine.

Photo Credits

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