The 60th birthday is a day when you can officially start joking about how old a person is. Usually, birthday jokes are treated similar to roasts, where the butt-end of the joke is the person who is the center of the celebration. The best jokes are those that are based on the truth about the birthday boy or girl.
A funny poem about the full-circle of life could be just what he needs to laugh about his age:
At age 3, you were successful if you didn't pee your bed. At age 12, you were successful if you had friends. At age 16, you were successful if you could drive. At age 25, you were successful if you were in love. At age 35, you were successful if you had money. At age 50, you were successful if you had money. At age 60, you are successful if you are in love. At age 70, you will be successful if you can drive. At age 75, you will be successful if you have friends. At age 80, you will be successful if you don't pee your bed.
Keep the jokes to one-liners and try to make them as relevant as possible to the person who turned 60:
When you sleep, people think you're dead. Your dentures have a better smile than you do. Your so stiff, birds want to build nests on you. You already celebrated your 60th birthday, remember? You're so old, you wear black socks with sandals. Your idea of a night out is standing by the window. Your dentures get more action than you do. Getting "lucky" means you found your keys. You're so weak, you can't turn on the TV.
Instead of putting plain candles on the cake, choose candles that spell out words: "Ain't Countin'," "Lost Track," "Happy What?," "How Many?," "Still Alive" or "Old Fart." You could also write these words in icing on the birthday cake. Add a funny caricature of the birthday girl golfing, or sailing on a yacht. Create a drawing of an agenda with the first activity getting up at noon and the last activity going to bed after the six o'clock news.
Add a special message in the birthday card: "The older you get, the better you were," "You're not old, your just almost dead," "I'd like some cake with all those candles, please," "Happy birthday, please just stay alive long enough so we can eat some cake," "Growing old happens, growing so bitter and angry is just you" or "Birthdays are similar to having boogers: the more you have, the harder it is to breathe."
Phillip Chappell has been a professional writer in Canada since 2008. He began his work as a freelancer for "Senior Living Magazine" before being hired at the "Merritt News" in British Columbia, where he wrote mostly about civic affairs. He is a temporary reporter for the "Rocky Mountain Outlook." Chappell holds a Bachelor of Journalism in computer programming from University College of the Cariboo.
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