You are back to school after summer-break, football season has started and the big event your classmates are talking about is not the upcoming math test, but the homecoming dance! There is one special person you want to be your homecoming date, and it just happens to be your ex-boyfriend. Before you resign yourself to spending the evening home alone, gather your courage, and a mirror or a friend. You are going to ask your ex-boyfriend to homecoming.
The Planning Stage
Find out if your ex-boyfriend already has a date. Remember, you are no longer an item, so protect your heart by finding out if he is free to be asked to the dance. Consider discreetly asking his friends if he is dating someone new or has plans for the homecoming event.
Fill in the blank: "I am asking you to homecoming because ___." Decide why you want to ask your ex-boyfriend to the dance. Do you still have feelings for him, or is he a friend who will be a no-stress fun date? Plan to be truthful with him from the start.
Decide on the details. Before you pop the question, have a plan for the event. Know in advance if you'll be attending homecoming with a group of friends, or as a couple. Think about whether you would like to go to other homecoming activities with your date, such as the football game or pep rally.
Practice with a friend or in front of a mirror. Now is the time to gather up your courage and confidence by rehearsing what you are going to say. Keep it simple. Focus on telling him why you are asking him to the dance and any details about the event.
The Asking Stage
Choose the right time and place to ask. It is better to approach your ex-boyfriend in person, when he is alone and relaxed. Make sure you are alone and relaxed, too! Asking him one-on-one will give you the opportunity to be honest, and relieves the pressure of friends or schoolmates listening.
Listen and accept what he says, no matter what it is. Stay calm, and remember that you may never really know the reason behind his answer. If he says yes, great! Perhaps his answer is vague, like "I'll think about it." Accept what he says; by being casual and flexible you won't turn his "maybe" into a "no." If his answer is no? Smile, thank him, and move on.
Have a back-up plan, in case he is unavailable. A back-up plan allows you to accept whatever response your ex-boyfriend gives you, and to move on more quickly. A back-up plan is helpful to avoid awkwardness if he says no, you can respond with a "no problem" and let him know your alternate plans.
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- Do not argue if your ex says no to your invitation. Arguing or pleading with him to change his response can make you look needy and insecure. Besides, do you really want to go on a date with someone who does not want to go on a date with you?
- Remember to stick to the truth. To lie and say you want to go as friends when you are really hoping for a reconciliation can lead to heartbreak, distrust and anger.
MaryBeth Augusta began writing in 2002 for her college newspaper, "The Troubadour." She has written legal briefs and psychological research articles, covering topics such as international human rights and gender roles. Augusta holds a Bachelor of Science in psychology and a Juris Doctor.