How you respond to a guy's request to take you on a date depends on how you feel about him, whether you are interested in dating anyone at the moment and if he is your type. Your response can alter the nature of your relationship and can also send ripples through your social circle if you and the guy in question share mutual friends, acquaintances or co-workers. Being polite, considerate and honest with this guy can reflect positively on you, even if you do not intend to go on a date with him.
Be honest and open with him. A 2008 study published in the "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships" by researchers Marian Houser and Lisa Furler of Texas State University-San Marcos and Sean Horan of West Virginia University suggests that communication, both verbal and nonverbal, is valuable in predicting future dating success. If you are interested in going on a date with the guy who asked you out, respond politely by saying yes, smiling and asking where he would like to go. If you are not interested, be honest, thank him for his offer and tell him that you are not interested.
Avoid telling lies. White lies, such as "I've got plans with Jason that night," or "I'm sorry, but I'm going out of town that night" may only result in him asking to see you another night. Running into the guy who asked you out after making an excuse may leave him with a bad impression of you.
Don't be rude. If you don't want to go on a date or pursue a relationship with the guy who asked you out, let him down kindly by stating that you are uninterested and thank him for the offer. Making fun of his gesture, calling him names or laughing are all in poor character and may reflect badly on you in your social circle. Politeness in rejection may also play a factor if you intend to interact with this person in the future. A 2010 study published in the "Journal of Social and Personal Relationships" by researchers Stephanie Tong and Joseph Walther at Michigan State University suggests that women are more polite to men they expect to meet again when refusing a date.
Don't be afraid of coming on too strong. If you are interested in this guy and he has taken the time to ask you out, then showing enthusiasm when responding is not going to scare him off. Maintaining eye contact, touching his arm and laughing playfully show that you are interested in his advances. However, folding your arms and breaking eye contact indicate a lack of interest.
Thank him for asking you out. Whether you are interested in going out on a date or not, it takes courage to ask a girl out, and the guy who asked you thought that you were worth his effort and time.
- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: Just say ‘‘no thanks’’: Romantic Rejection in Computer-Mediated Communication
- Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin: Winners, Losers, and Choosers A Field Investigation of Dating Initiation
- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: Dating in the Fast Lane: How Communication Predicts Speed-Dating Success
Anthony Oster is a licensed professional counselor who earned his Master of Science in counseling psychology at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has served as a writer and lead video editor for a small, South Louisiana-based video production company since 2007. Oster is the co-owner of a professional photography business and advises the owner on hardware and software acquisitions for the company.
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