Holden Caulfield, in "The Catcher in the Rye," laments, "Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody." If you would prefer to receive some blossoming beauties while you're still alive, and you seethe with envy every time flowers appear on your coworker's desk or you want to cry when your best friend brags about the fresh lilies from her boyfriend, the best way to deal with the situation might be to ask for what you want. Do it right and you'll find yourself receiving flowers or know where your boyfriend stands on the issue.
Choose the right time. Asking for flowers during an argument about whether or not he truly cares for you will likely backfire. Ask your boyfriend to bring you flowers when both of you are happy and relaxed. A positive atmosphere can help both of you feel more comfortable when you make the request.
Resist the urge to become emotional. If your boyfriend doesn't bring you flowers and this is important to you, discussing the issue may bring up feelings of insecurity or sadness. Don't allow these feelings to enter the discussion. Instead, ask for what you want directly and rationally, recommends licensed psychotherapist Tina Tessina.
Make your request reasonable, advises psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne. In an article for Psychology Today, the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, professor states that it's best to ask for something that a person "can and will do for you." In other words, if your boyfriend can barely pay his rent, make it clear that a few flowers plucked from the roadside will be as meaningful to you as a dozen long-stemmed roses.
Be prepared to accept no for an answer, advises Tessina, and have a backup plan in place. Your boyfriend might prefer to continue doing things in the manner in which he has become accustomed. If this turns out to be the case, plan to buy yourself a bouquet of flowers every Friday after work and drop the issue. Who knows - after seeing how meaningful flowers are to you, he may come around.
- Psychology Today: 9 Ways to Ask for (and Get) What You Want
- Tina B. Tessina: Asking for What You Want
- "The Catcher in the Rye"; J. D. Salinger
- Keep your conversation respectful at all times. Resist the urge to says things like, "If you really loved me, you'd do this small thing for me."
- Don't elaborate about why you want flowers. Simply tell him that you'd be really happy it if he'd bring you some on occasion.
Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.