How to Reconnect With an Ex-Boyfriend

by Kristie Massion

Oh the memories of that last kiss, the warm embrace or the sturdy shoulder to cry on. Perhaps you're looking to rekindle an old flame, or perhaps you just miss the friendship of an ex-boyfriend. Maybe you've never forgotten the one that got away so many years ago. No matter what your reason, technology makes reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend easier than ever. People reconnect with their exes all the time, so don't feel strange about attempting. Just take advantage of the opportunity.

Find Your Ex

Try the old contact information. Calling takes a lot of courage and may actually scare your ex away, depending on how long it has been. Sending an email takes less courage and provides a safe environment in which your ex-boyfriend can respond. After a few catching-up emails, suggest meeting or ask for a phone number.

Use social media sites to track down your ex-boyfriend if you don't have the latest contact information. This requires very little commitment and can be done totally anonymously in most cases. Check Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn and Friendster. Even though some sites may have waned in popularity, many users still have old profiles available with less privacy restrictions than newer sites. The first step is to find the right profile.

Check the plethora of sites online, including Wink or ZoomInfo, that let you track down a phone number or email address. Most of these require you to pay a small fee, but you may end up with your ex-boyfriend's current contact information.

Make the Connection

Attend any group activities that your ex-boyfriend may also attend. Reunions offer a great chance to reconnect with past loves, but you can also try meet-ups, charity organizations, sporting events or dance clubs that your ex used to attend when you were dating. Showing up at his baseball game without an excuse may be creepy, so bring along friends to back up your story of knowing the other team. Or just avoid choosing a personal hobby, and stick to public venues for a "chance" encounter.

Approach your ex. All the time you spent thinking about him and tracking him down is wasted if you don't actually talk to him. Make it casual. Chat about what he's up to now. Don't let on that you read all about him online; just let him talk to you naturally. The more comfortable he is, the more likely you'll talk again.

Make plans. This works great if you can head somewhere right away, like an after-party or coffee, but this isn't always possible. Don't be pushy. Suggest that the two of you get together, and try to be as specific as possible, so he can choose to commit or bow out right away. With a concrete date and time, there is less chance of you waiting by the phone for a call that may never come.

Stay in the present. Once the connection is lit, avoid bringing up the past constantly. While you do want to reconnect, you don't want to remind him why the relationship ended in the first place. If all you want is a friendship, then remember to be his friend and not a crazy ex! At some point, you may need to have an honest conversation about your relationship, but you don't need to be harping on it from moment one.


  • If you've stayed in touch with an ex, even sporadically, it's always appropriate to call, text or email. Birthdays are a great time to "randomly" call. Who knows, you may even get invited to his birthday party.


  • Don't stalk your ex. Not only is it a serious crime, but it won't help you reconnect. A few web searches and keeping tabs on his profiles isn't stalking, but showing up everywhere he goes and at his front door is overboard.


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