Dating a man who has a crazy ex-wife can be difficult at any stage of a relationship -- especially if children are involved. Anything from ugly comments to in-your-face threats can result when you're dealing with a crazy ex-wife. The key is to keep your composure and stay calm -- no matter what. Unfortunately, when someone is irrational, it's almost impossible to have a productive discussion, so talking out your differences is probably not an option. However, allowing an unstable person to wreak havoc on your relationship isn't necessary, and there are other ways to handle the situation.
Avoid conflict and situations that might cause the ex-wife to react negatively. For instance, if you know that picking up the children from the ex-wife's house instead of having their father do it will cause tension and possibly outrage, refuse to do it. Tell your boyfriend that you don't want to be in the middle of the drama between him and his ex.
Refuse to engage in an argument with her. If she calls and threatens you, say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but please stop calling and threatening me." If she keeps calling, inform her that you will contact the police if she continues. Alternatively, ignore her and don't answer her calls.
Tell your boyfriend how you feel about his ex-wife's behavior in a calm, open manner. For example, say, "I know your ex-wife has issues, but how can we work together to avoid letting her disrupt our lives?" With his support, you'll feel more confident and in control.
Focus on making your relationship the best it can be without letting his crazy ex-wife influence it. Don't spend any more time than is necessary talking about her actions. For example, when you sit down for a meal or travel somewhere together, talk about things that are related to either you or him -- not her.
Keep your thoughts about the crazy ex-wife to yourself in front of any children that are involved. Never say anything negative about the children's mother to them. They will likely tell her, which only makes a bad situation worse.