Divorce ends a marriage, but it usually doesn't end the feelings that former spouses have for each other. In severe cases, obsessive thoughts about an ex-wife may be difficult to overcome. These thoughts are frequently accompanied by feelings of sadness, anger and jealousy. It is important to learn how to overcome these feelings and move on with your life.
Don't Contact Her
Avoid all contact with your ex-wife. Your obsessive thoughts about her will only be strengthened by seeing her, talking to her and remaining aware of what she is doing in her life. However, this option probably isn't feasible if you have children together.
Make new friends who don't know your ex-wife. Don't mention her to them, and start to create a social reality in which she is not involved. This will help you to realize that you can have a life without her.
Get rid of any reminders of her that you own, including letters, pictures and things that you owned together. This won't make you totally forget her, but it will decrease the number of triggers in your environment that might get you thinking about her.
Focus on Your Future
Make a decision to focus on your future rather than on your past. Consider new options in your career and education and in travel and leisure activities. Learn to do things that you never did with your ex-wife.
Develop a mindset that is future-oriented. Recognize that the past is done, and there's nothing you can do to change it, but the future is completely unwritten, and it's up to you what you will do with it. Don't waste the future obsessing about a person who doesn't want to be with you.
Start dating, with an eye to the future. Don't, under any circumstances, talk to your date about your ex-wife. This will put you back into the rut that you're trying to get out of and will be a total turn-off to your date.
Jagg Xaxx has been writing since 1983. His primary areas of writing include surrealism, Buddhist iconography and environmental issues. Xaxx worked as a cabinetmaker for 12 years, as well as building and renovating several houses. Xaxx holds a Doctor of Philosophy in art history from the University of Manchester in the U.K.