How to Bring Up the Boyfriend Girlfriend Talk

by Anthony Oster

Transitioning from casually to exclusively dating can at times be confusing, nerve-wracking or uncomfortable, especially if you are unsure you're both on same page. You may be worried about bringing up the boyfriend-girlfriend talk too soon, risking scarring your date off, or too late, which may send the impression that you're not interested in pursuing an exclusive relationship. Despite these fears, taking the steps to clarify where you are in your relationship and let you know, definitively, if you're "boyfriend-girlfriend" or not.

Examine the time that you spend together. If you don't spend too many nights and weekends apart, bringing up the boyfriend-girlfriend talk may be the natural progression for your relationship. If you find that your sweetheart spends time making excuses not to get together or only wants to see you on his or her terms, the interest in dating exclusively might not be mutual.

Choose a time and place to have the conversation in a meaningful manner. A romantic dinner after dating for three months, or a day trip to the beach might make for an excellent backdrop to bring up the subject of exclusively dating.

Tell him how much you enjoy spending time with him and wait his for response. If you still feel comfortable after his response, tell him that you would like to exclusively date him and be his girlfriend.


  • Though it may seem scary, be upfront and direct when bringing up the boyfriend-girlfriend talk. Being direct with your statements will send a clear message of your intentions and expectations. If he is put off by your advances, he may not be someone worthy of calling a boyfriend.


  • Sexual intimacy may not always be a predictor of the desire for relationship exclusivity.

About the Author

Anthony Oster is a licensed professional counselor who earned his Master of Science in counseling psychology at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has served as a writer and lead video editor for a small, South Louisiana-based video production company since 2007. Oster is the co-owner of a professional photography business and advises the owner on hardware and software acquisitions for the company.

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