While you may have enjoyed your boyfriend's "strong but silent" approach when you first started dating, that silence can sometimes cause you to feel a disconnect with your partner. Whether your boyfriend is uncommunicative or simply quiet, drawing him out to talk to you can help you create a bond of intimacy to strengthen your relationship. To get your boyfriend to talk more, consider his interests and the way that you communicate and even argue. His silence can be ended with the right questions and comments.
Ask your boyfriend open-ended questions that require a detailed response. Instead of asking, "How was your day?" to which your boyfriend can reply "Fine", try asking, "What was the best thing that happened to you today?" or, "If you could change one thing about your job, what would it be?" These types of questions encourage discussing so you get to know your boyfriend better while drawing him from his shell.
Choose a topic that he likes to talk about. If he's a sports nut, while you prefer theater, get him to open up by asking him questions about the sport that he likes the best. Watch a game with him and ask intelligent questions about the rules. Or, if your boyfriend is a music buff, ask him for some suggestions for your iPod. You'll find that when introduced to a topic that he's passionate about, your boyfriend will talk more.
Agree with him whenever possible. Your boyfriend may keep quiet because he is afraid of an argument, notes W. Bruce Cannon, relationship expert and author of "How to Remodel a Man." Make sure that you say "You're right" whenever possible to get him to open up. You can even use it as part of your argument, that you know he's right about an issue but you'd still like to proceed. Agreeing softens him and makes him less afraid to communicate and assert himself around you.
Avoid trying to read his mind. If he's not talking, he could just feel like being quiet. Instead of assuming that you know what he's thinking or feeling, ask him. If he seems moody, ask about his day. If he seems like he's tired, ask if he'd like a massage. Don't pry or try to decipher his moods. Help him relax and ask him in a non-threatening way.
Take a break from talking, suggests Oprah.com. Your quiet boyfriend could find incessant questioning and conversation tiring. Take a few nights off a week where you just enjoy each other's company without worrying about conversation. Learn to be comfortable in the silence, and take the opportunity to go spend time with other friends who can chat with you so you don't feel the need to constantly pressure your boyfriend into talking.
Kay Ireland specializes in health, fitness and lifestyle topics. She is a support worker in the neonatal intensive care and antepartum units of her local hospital and recently became a certified group fitness instructor.