You suspect your guy is mad since he got off the phone quickly last night and you didn’t even receive your usual morning greeting from him. One thing is clear -- his mind is elsewhere. But before you assume he’s at his office seething over something you said or did, step back and assess his behavior before crying or prying.
You probably have the urge to reach out and get reassurance from him if you think he’s mad. But wait, says counselor and therapist Julie Orlov in “What Happens When You Feel Him Pulling Away?” on YourTango.com. Don’t send him a message asking what’s wrong. Pursuing him when he is pulling away communicates a lack of self-respect and integrity, and you sure don’t want to be the clingy girlfriend, Orlov says. Take a deep breath instead. When things seem to be going downhill, use your head and not your insecurities to do the thinking.
Interpret the Silence
If your guy is suddenly silent on your normally 24/7 virtual platform, this could be a good sign that he is upset. It is also a sign that he is not prepared to talk about it yet. The key is to give him a little space to cool down. However, beware of reading too much into his digital silence. It also could mean that he’s extremely busy with the external audit at his job or some other work-related project. So instead of trying to pry it out of him, be on the lookout for more revelations.
"Nothing Is Wrong"
Oh, those dreaded three words. You can tell by his behavior, even the way he’s making less eye contact with you, that something is wrong. Yet, he denies it. If your guy says that everything is fine, but he appears annoyed, decode his nonverbal behavior. If he crosses his arms, rolls his eyes, smirks, turns his back to you or speaks through gritted teeth, he really means, “buzz off” -- but he’s just packaging it in a nicer way. He is not ready to talk about it at this point. So nagging and verbal tantrums won’t get you very far. But chances are, if you let him be, he will open up later.
If it’s been awhile and he still seems angry, you may want to press the issue more. Encourage him to vent without being pushy. You want to know what’s bothering him, so listen. Don’t pull in past grievances. Don’t resort to the silent treatment. And make sure that you don’t punish him for his own unapproachability. Let your guy know that you can be reasoned with. The next time he’s cross, maybe he won't take as long to approach you.
Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.
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