How to Be a Slob

How to Be a Slob. Growing up with a fastidious and controlling mother may make you want to retaliate by becoming a slob--if even for a short time. Sometimes it's hard to dump a girl or boyfriend, so you might try turning them off with your sloppy habits. Whatever the reason, here are some tips on how to turn yourself into a slob.

Wear clothes that are too small for you. In addition to leaving your clothes dirty, with stains and odors intact, try pulling out the clothes that you've outgrown. Nothing says fat slob like a protruding belly, especially if there is hair involved.

Eat anything and everything. Avoid utensils whenever you can, instead picking up your meat and shoving it into your mouth. With barbecue sauce all over your face, even thin, neat people can pass themselves off as fat slobs.

Find other big fat slobs to hang out with. You can pick up some tips from others who share your affinity for sloppiness. In addition, the attention will be multiple exponentially by the number of slobs in one place, making each individual slob that much more unappealing.

Leave your clothes, mail, papers and used carryout containers strewn about your home. Instead, spend your downtime eating something greasy or sugary. Learn to enjoy the crackle of your footsteps. Enjoy the memory of each meal for months by looking at the refuse from that meal.

Develop a mindset that involves pride in others' discomfort at your sloppiness. Every "ew" you hear is one more plug for your success. Leave the cleanliness and proper etiquette for the neat freaks.