How to Regain Your Connection & Prevent Divorce

by Stacey Elkins

It can be easy to go about your day-to-day life and all of a sudden realize that you and your spouse have drifted apart. It's not something you wanted to happen -- it just did. You can regain connection in your marriage, but it will take time, commitment and effort by both you and your spouse.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

Share your feelings, both positive and negative, with your spouse. If you feel angry, hurt, disappointed or clingy, discuss these emotions openly with your spouse and resolve them. In general, people don't like to share these negative emotions with their partner, says Rinatta Paries, a life coach and author of "Bringing Romance Back" on the website, Power to Change. Don't ignore your negative emotions and let them fester. Doing so will only cause more damage to your relationship. Remember to share your positive emotions with your partner also. Tell him when you are happy, excited and feeling blessed. Share your hopes and dreams with him.

Remember the Good Times

Reminisce about your early days of dating. Talk about your first date and the excitement you felt. Discuss falling in love with each other and what made you fall for the other. Talk about a favorite vacation, a memorable holiday or a memory that makes you laugh. Sharing these memories can make you feel closer as a couple and strengthen your bond, says Rich Nicastro, a psychologist and author of "Relationship Help: Reminiscing for a Better Relationship" on the website,

Express Affection

“Doing or saying small things frequently to make your partner feel special, cared for and loved … is very predictive of staying together, being happy and [preventing] divorce,” says Terri Orbuch, who has a doctorate in social psychology and was quoted in the article, "The Top Five Things That Make or Break a Relationship" on the website, Give your spouse a kiss on the cheek, hold her hand or cuddle up next to her on the couch. Surprise her with a card expressing your love for her or leave a post-it note on the bathroom mirror telling her how lucky you are to have her in your life. Compliment your spouse. Tell her you like her compassionate heart, her integrity or that she looks great in her outfit. Make her feel desired, wanted and appreciated.

Spend Time Together

Make spending quality time together a priority. If you don't make time for each other, reconnecting with each other will be slow or impossible, says Christine Webber, a psychotherapist and author of "How to Improve Your Relationship" on the website, netdoctor. Pick a night for "date" night and do something you both enjoy doing. For example, try a new restaurant, go ice skating or to a museum. Spend time enjoying each other's company, laughing and appreciating the time you have together.

About the Author

Stacey Elkins is a writer based in Chicago. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Southern Illinois University in Carbondale and a Masters in social work from the University of Illinois in Chicago, where she specialized in mental health.

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