Being in the midst of a relationship can cloud your ability to see the true picture of your lives together. Although you may be comfortable with your guy, you may wonder if the reason you are together is more about the roof over his head than about you. It's important to go with your gut feelings and figure out the motivators that keep him with you.
How Engaged Is He in Your Relationship?
Determine how engaged he is in your relationship. Healthy relationships are characterized by a feeling of security, explains the University of Washington. If nudges of insecurity are accompanied by his lack of genuine engagement, it's an indication that he's living with you for a benefit that may not include the relationship. Signs that he is engaged include sharing time together, respect, trust and independence. If the guy seems to be living a bachelor's life while he is with you, he may be staying in the relationship in name only, in order to have a roof over his head.
Doea He Share Expenses?
A strong indication that a guy might be using you for a place to live is his lack of financial contribution to household expenses. If he is unemployed but making an effort to find a job or applying for unemployment assistance, it may be difficult for him to swallow his pride and admit that he can't help out right now. If you can't have a frank discussion with him about shared responsibilities or he deflects the topic when you attempt to discuss it, he may not be motivated to make changes.
Does He Think About the Future?
Figure out if your guy sees the two of you as a long-term relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean marriage. Does he talk about future plans that include both of you making shared decisions and having shared responsibilities? If not, he may be viewing your life together as temporary. This perspective combined with a lack of financial contribution spells exploitation.
Does He Have Financial Resources?
Does your guy have the financial means to support himself or at least contribute to your household costs? If you're living together, it makes sense that you share expenses as equally as possible. If the guy is living with you but is secretive or deceptive about his finances, consider the depth of his emotional investment. A certain level of privacy is appropriate, but it's reasonable to expect him to share the bills.
Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.