When you’re dating someone, it’s reasonable to expect that you will be able to merge your social circles a bit and your boyfriend will get to know some of your friends. It’s probably important to you that your boyfriend meshes well with your social circle, but he disappoint you by not wanting to spend time with them. If he nixes your plans to hang out, you should find out why and see if you can come to a compromise.
Are You Exclusive?
The first thing to determine is whether or not he considers himself your boyfriend. Think about how long you’ve been dating and whether or not you’ve talked about being exclusive. He may not want to hang out with your friends because he’s not ready for a more serious relationship. If you’re ready to date exclusively, you need to discuss this with him directly.
Find Out Why
If he’s definitely your boyfriend and you’re both on the same page about it, then you need to ask him why he won't hang out with your friends. Don't settle for, "I don't have time," or "I just don't want to." Tell him that your friends are important to you and that you need to solve this problem. Be prepared to hear him say that he doesn't like your friends. He might have good reasons, pointing out that they're toxic people or that they're not that nice to you. Consider his point of view, but if you still think he's judging them too quickly, ask him to try again.
Extroverts Dating Introverts
When introverts and extroverts date, the number one disagreement is over how much socializing to do, says Susan Cain, author of the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." If your boyfriend is introverted, social situations require more energy from him than you, and he needs more time alone to recharge. If you’re asking him to socialize more than he’s comfortable with, you’ll need to reach an agreement about how often you hang out with your friends together. You might need to get comfortable going out alone sometimes when he wants to stay home.
Finally, if the problem is not that you’re just dating casually or that he’s more introverted than you, it comes down to some basic relationship give and take. Hanging out with a significant other’s friends is “par for the adult dating course,” says Kat Rosenfield, relationship expert on Crushable.com. Tell him that you want and expect him to socialize with your close friends, and that you will return the favor as his girlfriend. Come to a compromise over how often you spend with each group of friends. If he doesn’t care about meeting the important people in your life, you might have to think about whether or not this relationship is worth it.
Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.