If you have feelings for someone you know is not good for you, you most likely feel stuck and confused. You may struggle to ignore the voice inside that is telling you to stay away from him, but that inner voice is there for a reason and should not be ignored. While it may be a difficult task, there are myriad ways to stay away from a person who is not good for you while keeping yourself safe, happy and thriving.
Join an activity, class or group to help get your mind off of a person who is not good for you. Such activities will help energize you and may lift your spirits. Instead of thinking about what you may be missing out on by removing yourself from a person who is not good for you, focus your energies on new activities and the people who are part of them. Connecting with people who are like-minded can help improve self-esteem. Likewise, being involved in a sport or physical activity can help paint a positive physical self-perception, which is also linked to healthy self-esteem, according to the Sport and Development website, sportanddev.org.
Focus on friends and loved ones. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. These relationships will help fill the void you may be feeling as you mourn the loss of another one, even if it was not good for you. Healthy relationships with friends will help you boost your sense of happiness, relieve stress and they will help cope with trauma, the Mayo Clinic reports in an article, "Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health."
Think logically about the consequences. Be honest with yourself about the possible outcomes of being in a relationship with someone who is not good for you. Perhaps he has a reputation for breaking hearts. Maybe the two of you disagree upon important life issues, like where you will go to college or what role religion plays in your life. Make a list of the things that could potentially go wrong in the future if you were to stick with the relationship. When you are feeling sad or regretful of letting this person go, read the list.
Cultivate new relationships. Focusing on a new relationship can help you take your mind off of a person who is not good for you. However, do not jump into a relationship just for the sake of getting over an ex. In many cases, this only leads to a repeat of the former issues. Instead, choose to spend your time with a person who exhibits positive behaviors and engages you authentically. A truly healthy relationship will raise or meet your standards instead of forcing you to settle.
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- Be patient with yourself as you try to get over the person who is not good for you. Even though you know in your head that it would not work out, it may take your heart a little longer to catch up.
- If the person who is not good for you is dangerous or manipulative, stay away from him. If he is threatening you, let someone know right away in order to avoid being hurt and alert the authorities if you feel like your physical safety is at risk. Furthermore, if you feel threatened, do not meet this person alone to talk it over as emotions can escalate out of control quickly, and your safety could be at risk -- especially if the other person feels scorned or bitter by your decision to end the relationship.
Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.