Your relationship is over -- or so you thought. You've realized you still have strong feelings for your ex-boyfriend and want to give it another go. If he feels the same way, you might be tempted to rush back into a relationship. Stop for a moment and remember that you broke up for a reason. Take this opportunity to address the issues that lead to the breakup, in order to create a stronger bond than you ever had.
Give yourself time to deal with the aftermath of the breakup before you get involved with your ex-boyfriend again. Spend time with close friends and make time for your hobbies. Eat healthfully and exercise regularly. Focus on your emotional, mental and physical health to get yourself in the best possible state to start bonding with your ex.
Dedicate some time to thinking about the breakup. Try to work out the reasons you split and the part you played. Write down your thoughts if it helps. For example, you may have been too focused on your career to spend time with your boyfriend. Consider how this would have affected him and how you could act differently in the future. Perhaps the breakup was due to infidelity. Whether it was you or your boyfriend who was unfaithful, it's important to work out the cause of the betrayal. It could have been jealousy, commitment issues or poor communication. Try to see things from your ex's point of view, too. Write down all the issues and concerns to help you see clearly what needs to be done to rebuild the relationship and bond with your ex again.
Speak to your ex-boyfriend about getting back together. Make sure you are both equally committed to working on the issues that lead to the breakup and re-establishing your bond. Tell your boyfriend what you want from the relationship and what you weren't happy with the first time around. Ask him to do the same. Be clear with one another and avoid blame and criticism, advises author and marital therapist Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. A couples counselor can help to equip you with the skills you need to create a happy, healthy, secure bond.
Approach your reconciliation with a positive mindset. Tell your partner how much you appreciate him when he does something right. Focusing on the good in your relationship, rather than the bad, will strengthen your bond, says author and therapist John M. Gottman, Ph.D.
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- Psychology Today: How To to Get An an Ex Back -- 5 Essential Steps
- Cosmopolitan: How to Get Back With Your Ex
- Cosmopolitan: Fun Ways to Bond
- The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships; Dr. John M. Gottman
- Getting the Love You Want; Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."