So your husband is cheating. You probably feel lost, confused and furious, but there are things that you can do to work on your unhealthy marriage. First, though, take care of yourself and your own needs. Then you can focus on figuring out why your husband is cheating and if he is willing to stop so that you can work on repairing your relationship.
Take some space. Though you may feel needy and desperate, take time to work on you. You need this time to gain back your self esteem and to work on what is really important to you. Get a new haircut, or buy yourself some new clothes. A little change on the outside can sometimes make you feel better on the inside.
Start doing things just for yourself. Take time every day to read a book, or join a club so that you have something to look forward to outside of your marriage. Confide in a couple of good friends or family members, as you will need a support group during this time.
Approach your husband. It’s important to let a little time pass before you decide what you would like to do about the situation. If you act right after finding out, you are more likely to act out of anger or desperation, which will only push your mate further away. Find out how he feels about the situation. It’s possible that the two of you will have differing ideas as to what you would like to do about the infidelity. Try to talk as calmly as possible.
Start seeing a relationship counselor. A counselor can help you to work through your fears and anger. Your counselor will also be able to counsel the two of you as a pair and separately. Perhaps your husband isn’t sure why he cheated, and the counselor may be able to uncover some of these issues. By making this commitment together, you are showing that you are both willing to work on your individual problems which could be adding to your problems as a couple.
Work on rebuilding trust. Open up the lines of communication. Be honest with each other about where you are going and who you are going with, as well as when you’ll be home. By communicating about your daily plans, this will help to build belief in each other. You may even ask your husband to give you access to his email account and phone so you can check whether he's remaining faithful.
Make a commitment to have dinner together every night, or start a date night. Retrace your steps and start doing little things that you did for your partner when you were dating, such as leaving love notes in unexpected places. Don’t do these things as a tactic to get your partner to want to be with you, do them as a way to merely show your affection.
Crystal Lassen hails from Kansas City, Mo. and has been a book critic since 2008. Her reviews have appeared on the Publisher's Weekly website and are largely concerned with current events. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English with an emphasis in creative writing from The University of Kansas.