No one likes to get dumped, but when you are having an affair with a married man, the relationship seldom ends with the two affair partners creating a life together, according to Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist and expert on infidelity. Getting dumped could be the best thing for you if you discover why you chose a man who isn’t fully available to you. That leaves you free to turn your sights on a single man who appreciates you for who you are, has time for you and is willing to form a lasting relationship with you.
Grieve the relationship you had. Even if the relationship wasn’t the best thing for you, it probably had its perks or you wouldn’t have gotten into it. Cry and express your anger, suggests Sheri Meyers, author of “Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship.” You can journal about your affair or place an empty chair in front of you and pretend to address your former affair partner to let your emotions flow. Talking to the chair or journaling can keep you from wearing out your friends as you relate your story again and again.
Take a deep breath, get some exercise and find something fun to do, suggests Meyers. She explains that the despair and desperation that follows getting dumped often occurs because you’re addicted to him and suffering from withdrawal. Take care of yourself by getting plenty of sleep, eating healthy and feeling grateful for the many blessings in your life.
Decide that his decision is about him and not about you, suggests Stephen J. Betchen, Ph.D., author of “Magnetic Partners.” His wife could have discovered clues to the affair and insisted that he cut off all contact with you. You can’t know exactly why he dumped you, even if he provides an excuse. Accept that he doesn’t want to be with you and move on with your life in the healthiest way possible. Schedule an appointment with a therapist if you are struggling to let go.
Explore why you chose a married man instead of someone who is single. Marriage and family therapist Linda Lewis Griffith details the reason why you might have chosen a married man -- perhaps he places fewer demands on you and requires less of your time. On your side of the equation, you might struggle with low self-esteem or a fear of commitment. Once you understand your reasons for choosing to be in a relationship with a married man, make a conscious decision to never repeat the mistake again. After you get everything settled and you feel ready to date again, look for an available man who is a good match for you.
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Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.
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