How to Ask Your Husband If He's Having an Affair

by Contributor ; Updated November 28, 2017

If you are a wife who suspects your husband is having an affair, not knowing the truth can eat away at you. Ignoring the signs when you suspect your partner is having an affair is neither healthy for you or the relationship. Ask your husband if he is cheating by approaching the delicate subject matter calmly, and base your suspicions on genuine facts. Honesty and communication can possibly save your marriage, or at best, keep an affair from escalating and getting past you.

Consider the Consequences

Think carefully about what his actions could mean before you accuse your husband of having an affair. Has he been working late more often? Maybe he's trying to earn more money rather than indulging in infidelity. Has he stopped wanting sex? Maybe he's stressed, depressed, or anxious. Accusing your husband of having an affair when he's been faithful to you can hurt your marriage relationship.

Keep Calm

You may feel incredibly angry and violated when you suspect an affair. Don't meet him at the front door with guns blazing in anger or have a blow out argument in front of the kids. Screaming and accusations (even if he is having an affair) will not make solving marriage problems any easier.

Get the Facts Straight

This doesn't mean hiring a private investigator or stalking your husband when he's not aware. Something about his actions or habits had led you to believe he's having an affair-credit card receipts, strange phone calls, weird numbers on the cell phone bill. Even unusual happiness might lead you to suspect an affair. Whatever makes you suspicious about his behavior, infidelity could be one explanation.

Question Facts

Ask about the facts, not his behavior. "Whose cell phone number is this?" or "Why have you been going to this restaurant so often?" are more likely to elicit the truth about an affair than bold accusations about infidelity.

Honesty Policy

Be completely honest. If he asks, "Do you think I'm having an affair?" answer yes, calmly. Even if he gets angry about the accusation, remain calm and honest. You're looking for honesty from your husband-give honesty to him first, to open the door to clear communication in your marriage.

Communication is Key

Keep communicating. Don't let the subject drop until you have talked it through, no matter how long it takes. If he is having an affair, it's probably not a new thing. If the affair has gone on for a long time, that means your communication has been poor for even longer.

Change Doesn't Happen Overnight

Take time to work through your marriage problems and don't expect change overnight. Both of you will have issues-no one is perfect in a marriage. Work together to solve marriage problems and to discover why you have been unhappy. Trust will develop again if both husband and wife commit to being honest and trustworthy.

Counseling May Be Needed

Seek counseling, even if you think you've solved your marriage problem. A few weeks spent with a marriage counselor will help you to discover everything that's been making you unhappy, and marriage therapists will help you work through problems constructively. Learning communication skills from a marriage expert helps strengthen your marriage and yourselves.

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About the Author

This article was created by a professional writer and edited by experienced copy editors, both qualified members of the Demand Media Studios community. All articles go through an editorial process that includes subject matter guidelines, plagiarism review, fact-checking, and other steps in an effort to provide reliable information.