How to Ask Someone If They Are Cheating on You

by Tom Ryan

An emotionally distant partner may be focused on someone else.

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Find Out The Answer You Need About His Cheating

When you suspect that a loved one is cheating on you, the uncertainty strains your relationship and threatens your happiness. If you think that your partner may be cheating, you owe it to yourself to find out for sure -- but it isn't always as simple as just asking. Nobody wants to admit to cheating, especially if they have been caught in the act of deception, so you must ask in the right way. If you do, you may finally get the answer you've been looking for: the truth.

Pay Attention

Keep track of any suspicious behavior you notice that may indicate cheating. For example, if he is uncharacteristically protective of his gadgets or his e-mail account, he may be hiding something. If your partner is emotionally distant, negligent or simply absent, it may indicate that something else -- or someone else -- has his attention.

Step 1

Sit your partner down in a familiar, private environment where you feel comfortable talking. She may know the question is coming but you still need to make it easy for both of you to have an actual conversation. Never try to speak to such a personal subject in a public location.

Step 2

Phrase your questions in an open-ended, non-confrontational way. Ask questions related to the reasons you suspect your partner is cheating. For example, you could ask about sudden habits like her erasing text messages or spending more time at the gym. Explain how that makes you feel and why you’re are starting to doubt her fidelity.

Step 3

As difficult as it may be, voice your concerns in a non-accusatory way. For example, express that you are concerned about the two of you growing distant. Ask if there is anything you need to worry about or anything that you can do differently to mend the rifts in your relationship.

Step 4

It’s important to listen to what he’s saying, but also what he’s not saying. If he’s not giving direct answers and a full-out denial, he may be lying by omission. On the other hand, keep an open mind -- unless you have proof, your partner's behavior could simply be the result of needing personal space. Do not accuse him of anything for which you have no proof.

Step 5

Don't hesitate to ask your partner in a straightforward way if he is interested in someone else. Ask as calmly as possible -- if you are emotional, your partner may lie out of guilt or fear. What you want most is the truth.

Photo Credits

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About the Author

Tom Ryan is a freelance writer, editor and English tutor. He graduated from the University of Pittsburgh with a degree in English writing, and has also worked as an arts and entertainment reporter with "The Pitt News" and a public relations and advertising copywriter with the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh.