How Do We Cope if My Wife Thinks I Cheated on Her but I Didn't?

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr ; Updated December 11, 2017

Your spouse could misinterpret what she sees, concluding you're having an affair.

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Many marriages experience infidelity, accounting for approximately 50 percent of couples entering marital counseling. Infidelity can harm a marriage and the mental health of the partners, but so can a false accusation of infidelity.


  • If your wife thinks you're cheating but you're not, talk with her, be open, seek counseling and decide if you can stay in the marriage.

Ask Why She’s Accusing You

You could be doing one or more things that cause your wife to believe you are cheating, such as having meals or drinks with a female co-worker or friend, engaging in private conversations or texts on your phone, hiding your internet activities or working late more often than normal. If your wife sees you kiss, hug or financially support another woman, she might also interpret that as cheating. Other reasons she may accuse you are she’s looking for an exit from your marriage, wanting attention and emotional support from others, or looking for a way to control you. If you know why she is accusing you, you can decide how to approach and reassure her.

Become an Open Book

Being open with your wife can help her see that you are not cheating. You may feel defensive and start to shut down, but not sharing anything with her can make her feel as if you're hiding something. Instead, be open and honest with her. Let her know that you're not hiding anything from her. Demonstrate that your activities are innocent and she has nothing to fear. Unfortunately, if she has no desire to look at the evidence objectively or is looking for a way out, no amount of concrete proof could change her mind.

Seek Marital Counseling

Ask your wife to attend marital counseling with you to work on whatever issues cause her to accuse you of cheating. If she’s an accomplished liar, she might convince the therapist that you’re cheating, so you might want to bring whatever proof you have of your honesty. The therapist could determine that your wife is delusional, trying to punish you or deflecting attention toward you because she is cheating or wants to.

Exit the Marriage

If counseling doesn’t put an end to the false accusations, you might decide that a divorce is the best way to proceed to save your sanity, reputation and job. Don’t let her accusations spur you into cheating, believing that if you’re going to be accused you might as well do it. You’re better off out of the relationship than remaining in a relationship where you can’t win.

Photo Credits

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About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.