How Much Should a Woman Text or Call a Man in the Beginning of a Relationship?

By: Lisa Fritscher

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The idea that a woman should not contact a man went out of style decades ago, yet stalking is not attractive in either gender. Everyone wants to feel attractive and desirable, but too much contact too soon comes across as creepy rather than sweet. Strike a balance between showing genuine interest and retaining mystery, and allow him to pursue you now and then.

Developing the Relationship

The University of Texas at Austin Counseling Center points out that building a foundation in the early months is crucial. Communication and exploration are key factors in developing bonds of trust and affection. Use a mix of short, information-based texts and lengthier phone calls to move the relationship forward, suggests Deborrah Cooper, a relationship advice columnist, in “10 Rules for Texting and Dating” on YourTango.com.

Giving Space

LoveIsRespect.org notes that boundaries are an important part of a healthy relationship. Both people need the space to pursue their interests and hobbies and to spend time with friends. This is true throughout the relationship but especially important in the early days, when you do not want to come across as needy or clingy. Expecting instant gratification is also a problem, according to Cooper. It is easy to obsess about an unanswered text, but it is better to assume the best and go about living your life. Guys are not always attached to their phones, so avoid the temptation to read too much into his texting or calling habits.

Be Mysterious

Men generally enjoy pursuing a woman, according to psychologist Diana Kirschner, quoted in “5 Times You Shouldn’t Text Him” on Cosmopolitan.com. Although there is nothing wrong with texting or calling when you have something to say, resist the urge to check in with a new guy throughout the day. Maintain a bit of mystery and give him the chance to miss you.

When Not to Text or Call

Kirschner suggests that texting a man after a first date is not a good idea, as men enjoy the thrill of the chase. But both men and women appreciate gratitude. If you send a thank-you text, keep it short, sweet and to the point. Let him suggest the next date. Step away from the phone if you have been drinking. Professing your undying love, sharing a joke that sounds hilarious to your equally-tipsy friends or waking him in the middle of the night can make you look immature and irresponsible. If you are angry, a phone call is better than a text, but a face-to-face conversation is ideal. Never break up with someone by text.