Helping a girl get over her ex-boyfriend is not an easy task. Although you may recognize what she had to offer in the relationship and be confused about why she cannot get over her ex, she is going through pain that you are not aware of. Although her feelings may not be apparent to you, they are likely very intense; a breakup can be one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Allow her to mourn. Allowing the girl you care about to mourn the loss of her ex-boyfriend is a good idea because it gives her time to recover and be honest about the pain she is experiencing. Although you may wish she would simply cry a couple times and get over it, the situation is much more difficult and complex than this. Do not tell her to "move on, he's a jerk," or "just get over it"; instead give her space and time to cry as much as she wants.
Bring her a treat to lighten up her day. It is amazing how much the little things will mean to her in this difficult time. Because she is in so much pain, she is sensitive to everything going on around her. If you know she loves donuts, bring her a box spontaneously during the day. If she has a favorite movie, bring that along too, and insist on a movie night. Spending time doing something she seriously enjoys will help her get her mind off the breakup.
Get her out of the house. When she is feeling able and up to it, bring her out of the house. It does not have to be for a long time, especially at first --- a walk at a nature center will suffice. Eventually, you can bring her to a coffee shop, a bookstore or even on a mini-road trip to have an adventure and take her mind off of the pain. This is the first step to starting to live independently once again.
Constantly reassure her. Tell her she is beautiful, worthwhile and deserves to be happy again. Make sure she understands that you will be there for her no matter what, and you are not impatient when it comes to her recovery. Never give her the impression that you wish she would just move on, and if she takes too long, you will not be there anymore. Tell her to hold on, and that everything will be alright again.
Play therapeutic music. Playing beautiful music is very therapeutic when it comes to getting over a break-up. Choose her favorite songs that are soft, peaceful and encouraging. You may also bring other things that will give her house a nice aura; candles, for example, may help her feel at home and comfortable.
Gradually pull away. After you have been there for your friend, it is time to pull away and give her some space. This will enable her to start living a more independent life and work her way back to the social scene, in which she has a greater possibility of meeting guys, getting to know new friends and living her life to the fullest again.
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Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.