When a girl says she does not want to be in a relationship, that may not just be an excuse not to date you. Chances are she wants to be single and the reasons do not have to do with you -- they have to do with her. Her choice to be single may be due to her personal preferences, the stage she is at in her life or her past experiences.
Scared of Getting Hurt
A woman who is hesitant to enter a new relationship may still be hurting from past romantic experiences. If she had a bad relationship or painful breakup -- whether it was due to the treatment she received from her partner or just the events that happened in the relationship -- the fear of experiencing those feelings again could be holding her back from getting into another relationship. The hurt may be from a recent relationship that she has not had time to heal from, or it may be from a series of experiences that have built up and left her scarred. Some people who have had bad experiences with ex-partners may find it hard to trust another person again. Closing off the option of getting into a new relationship is her way of protecting herself.
Focused on Career
Another reason a woman may not want to be involved in a romantic relationship is because she is focused on other priorities, such as her career. College women are more likely than college men to prioritize their career over romance, according to the study “College Students’ Life Priorities: The Influence of Gender and Gender-linked Personality Traits” published in “Gender Issues” in 2007. While both genders recognized the importance of both relationships and career achievements, female participants were less likely to sacrifice aspects of their career goals for romantic relationships. A career-focused woman may postpone romance if she sees it as a distraction from her goals and wants to dedicate more time and energy into pursuing her career ambitions.
Not Interested in Commitment
Some women do not want to be in a committed relationship and would rather play the field. She may want to explore her options or find out what she is looking for in a partner before becoming monogamous -- or she may not be interested in a monogamous relationship at all. Some people are not interested in getting into a relationship and do not think it is worth it because they get bored easily and move on quickly. Just because she is not committing does not mean she is incapable of falling in love, according to sex and marriage therapist Isadora Alman's "Psychology Today" blog post "On Monogamy." It just means she may love for shorter periods of time and does not want the pressure of committing to a relationship.
Happy Being Alone
It is also possible that a woman has no desire to be in a relationship because she simply enjoys being single. There are people who genuinely have no desire to be in a romantic relationship -- and it is not unnatural, according to clinical psychologist Suzanne Lachmann's "Psychology Today" blog post "Five Reasons People Choose to Stay Single." Not wanting to be in a relationship does not mean that she cannot love or is incapable of emotional intimacy, she just has no interest in being with someone at this time in her life. She may be content with being alone, getting to know herself and not having to devote time to another person.
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- Don’t Take It Personally!: The Art of Dealing With Rejection; Elayne Savage, Ph.D
- Gender Issues; College Students’ Life Priorities: The Influence of Gender and Gender-linked Personality Traits; Cather Mosher and Sharon Danoff-Burg
- Psychology Today: On Monogamy
- Psychology Today: 5 Reasons People Choose to Stay Single
Sarah Casimong is a Vancouver-based writer with a Bachelor's degree in journalism from Kwantlen Polytechnic University. She writes articles on relationships, entertainment and health. Her work can be found in the "Vancouver Observer", "Her Campus" and "Cave Magazine".
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