One of the most painful social situations in which we can find ourselves is that of being ignored by another person. It’s hurtful enough when we’re given the cold shoulder by an acquaintance, but getting it from friends is even worse, and the pain is only amplified when the person in question is someone of the opposite sex. Sometimes a man’s first impulse when being ignored by a girl is to chase after her, but there are other, more mature ways to handle the situation.
When She Ignores Your Texts
Give her anywhere from a few hours to a day to respond. People get busy, and failure to answer one or two texts does not necessarily indicate a lack of interest. Avoid frantically texting someone from a place of insecurity, as this may exacerbate existing tensions in the relationship. Wait until you've calmed down before contacting her. If she persists in failing to respond even after your best attempts, she may be signaling a lack of interest.
When You Want Her to Go Out with You
If you’re being ignored by a girl in whom you’ve shown interest, she may be trying to deflect your attention. If you think this is the case, ask if you can talk to her and straightforwardly declare your feelings. If she states that she’s not interested, quit pursuing her and move on with your life. Avoid reacting in ways that are accusatory, angry or wounded. Making statements like, “I don’t understand why you’re ignoring me” suggests that you’re clingy or desperate, turning you into a source of drama and confusion when you need to be a haven from the other stress in her life.
Give Her Space
If you find yourself being ignored by someone you were previously close to, one possible reason is because they feel smothered and are seeking some space in the relationship. If you sense tension in a relationship, sometimes the wisest move is to pull back a little. This gives the other person room to breathe and allows the friendship time and space to be rejuvenated. Psychologist James Dobson said, “We crave what we can’t attain, but we disrespect what we can’t escape.” Providing space demonstrates that you respect her boundaries and prevents you from becoming inescapable.
When You've Just Broken Up
After the breakup of a relationship, you may experience a period in which your ex-girlfriend avoids contacting you or ignores in public. The end of a relationship is often accompanied by feelings of intense hurt or anger. In a situation like this, the wisest course is to grant her and yourself space to mourn the relationship and move on with your lives. Make it clear to her that you’re not clinging to the past and that you’re confident enough to pursue new ventures, whether that means a new relationship, an art project or a field of study. Living life with purpose and independence makes the possibility of continued friendship in the future more likely.
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- Psychology Today: Reading between the Lines of Your Partner's Texting
- The Hope Line: When Should a Guy Stop Pursuing a Girl?
- The Prophet; Kahlil Gibran:
- Life on the Edge: The Next Generation’s Guide to a Meaningful Future; James Dobson
- Ex-Girlfriend Recovery: What to do if Your Ex-Girlfriend Ignores or Avoids You on Purpose: Chris Settler
Boze Herrington is a writer and blogger who lives in Kansas City, Mo. His work has been featured in Cracked and "The Atlantic."
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