If you think you've found the woman of your dreams and you're keen to take your relationship to the next level, it can be devastating to find out that she doesn't want to get married. It is not the end of the world, however. See this as an aspect of your relationship that requires some attention and then work through it in a calm, rational way to ensure the best possible outcome.
Possible Reasons She Won't Commit
Your girlfriend may not want to commit to marriage for a variety of reasons. Perhaps she has been married before and hasn't recovered from the aftermath of her divorce. Maybe she was in a long-term relationship in the past with a man who was controlling and this has made her scared to make a lifelong commitment to anybody. Perhaps her own parents' marriage didn't work out and this has given her a negative view of marriage. If you haven't been together very long, it could simply be too soon for her to think about making such a big commitment. Some people -- both men and women -- are scared of commitment, deciding at an early age that they will never walk down the aisle. You also have to consider the possibility that she does want to get married one day but that you're not the one for her, reports eHarmony.
Being Honest With Yourself
Before you approach your girlfriend about her reluctance to commit to marriage, consider your own attitude toward devotion and long-term relationships. Identify your reasons for wanting to get married, and be completely honest with yourself. Make sure those reasons are healthy ones. You may have religious reasons for getting married, long to make a public declaration of love in front of other to solidify your bond, or want the additional security that marriage brings. These are all positive reasons for wanting to marry. However getting married would be the wrong thing to do if you are paranoid your girlfriend is going to leave you for someone else, or because you are scared of being alone.
It's dangerous to go into a serious relationship hoping you can change your partner's opinions on important issues. If your girlfriend has been upfront about her views on marriage from the start of your relationship, it's unfair of you to turn it into an issue now simply because she hasn't come around to your way of thinking. On the other hand, if your girlfriend gave you the initial impression that she saw marriage in her future at some point, you have every right to seek an explanation for her refusal to commit.
Tell your girlfriend how you feel about her refusal to commit to marriage and explain why marriage means so much to you. Perhaps she will reconsider her decision. If she absolutely won't commit to marriage, you need to make a tough decision. Think carefully about whether you are happy to carry on as you are or you simply can't be with someone who won't marry you. Perhaps your girlfriend would be willing to commit to you in another way, such as by moving in together.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."