Discovering that your husband is visiting online dating sites can be an emotionally devastating experience. Although such behavior constitutes a betrayal and many wives consider this a form of adultery, if you and your husband can communicate your physical and emotional needs to each other, it may be possible to fix your marriage.
When trying to fix your marriage, speak to your husband about the issues that led him to visit online dating sites. This will make a difference in the way you approach fixing your marriage. For example, some men visit online dating sites for the excitement and don’t intend on having a physical or emotional affair. If this is the case, you may be able to repair the marriage by adding variety to your relationship. Take a trip together without the children or plan romantic evenings at home. If your husband seeks more excitement in the relationship, discus his romantic needs and desires, as well as your own.
Address the Issues
If your husband visited online dating sites to find a new partner with whom to form an emotional or physical connection, then both of you should explore what is not working in your marriage. Although it may be difficult to speak honestly about these issues, it is important to figure out what each of you believe is lacking. For example, think about whether the relationship lacks physical chemistry, intellectual connection or emotional closeness. Once you determine what you both need and want from your marriage, you can begin to conceptualize ways to fix these larger issues in your relationship.
Rebuild the Trust
After you discover that your husband has visited an online dating site, you will probably have strong feelings of betrayal, anger and mistrust. Trusting your husband again will take time and commitment from both parties. Share with him how his behavior has affected you. Consider asking him to recommit to fix the marriage and outline your expectations for your marital commitment.
Visit a Marriage Counselor
If you and your husband have difficulty talking about his online behavior or if you are unable to rebuild trust and recommit to saving your marriage, a counselor may be able to help you, suggests MayoClinic.com. During counseling, you and your husband will have the chance to share your perspectives and to hear feedback on how to improve your trust, love and intimacy. A marriage counselor can help you learn how to communicate your needs more effectively, which may prevent future breaches of trust.
Anna Green has been published in the "Journal of Counselor Education and Supervision" and has been featured regularly in "Counseling News and Notes," Keys Weekly newspapers, "Travel Host Magazine" and "Travel South." After earning degrees in political science and English, she attended law school, then earned her master's of science in mental health counseling. She is the founder of a nonprofit mental health group and personal coaching service.