How to Deal With a Husband Using Internet Chat Rooms

The internet provides everyone with the ability to converse with people all over the globe. A popular method of talking with strangers is chat rooms. In a chat room, a person uses a screen name to talk to others instantaneously. Depending on the type of chat room and moderation of the room, there may be adult content, flirting or other activities that can potentially harm a marriage. If your husband is a frequent chat room user and you don't like it, take steps to solve the issue.

Ask your husband what type of chat rooms he is using. Don't ask in an accusing tone. That will cause him to act defensively when it could be completely innocent.

Tell your husband why it bothers you that he uses Internet chat rooms. Present sound arguments. For example, if you don't like that it is a singles room, tell him that you do not like it because he is married. Use valid reasons. Stating that you don't want him to talk to people you don't know isn't a valid reason. An example of a valid reason would be that his time in the chat room cuts into family time. Explain your reasons calmly and let him respond. Listen to his reasons without interrupting or accusing. Becoming angry will only turn the conversation into an argument, which won't solve the problem.

Rationally talk about what he enjoys about Internet chat rooms. For example, if he just likes the socialization, offer to create a user name for yourself and join him in the chat room. This way you can share the activity.

If he doesn't listen to you, take a break from the conversation. Come back later that day or the next day. Start the conversation out slowly, and then make your points in a direct, firm way. Don't scold, discuss.

Seek outside help if the problem increases or he continues to not listen. A marriage counselor can assist in not only explaining your problem with the chat room to your husband, but explore why you have the problem. Explain why you want to see a counselor. Include discussing any other insecurities you have and welcome him to bring up any problems he has. Make it clear that the session will not be you and the counselor against him, as many men think--according to the article "Getting Your Husband Into Marriage Counseling," on If your husband won't see a counselor, talk to the counselor privately to discover your problems with the chat rooms.