How to Tell if Your Husband is Cheating

by Carrie Stemke
A suspicious feeling in your gut is a surprisingly reliable indicator that something's wrong.

A suspicious feeling in your gut is a surprisingly reliable indicator that something's wrong.

That terrible feeling that your husband is having an affair can keep you up at night, make it nearly impossible to focus at work, and leave you wondering whether you should be feeling guilty for even suspecting him in the first place. Definitively figuring out if he's cheating can be an even more trying task--suddenly, everything he does seems to make you suspicious. As it turns out, there are actually a number of cheating indicators that men who are having an affair have in common.

He's Increasingly Critical

If your husband's recent behavior toward you has taken a turn for the worse, your guy may be cheating. "Cheating creates a lot of internal turmoil and tension, which gets played out between the two of you," says psychologist Jennifer Oikle in an interview in Woman's Day magazine. Unfortunately, his own guilt about the affair may be leading him to lash out at you and to zone in on the things he dislikes about you, all in order to assuage his negative feelings. Consider the things you've been fighting about lately. Has he been bringing up things about you that didn't seem to bother him before?

His Behavior Becomes Secretive

Lately, you've been noticing that he takes or makes phone calls behind a closed door. Or you might have found that he has a new Facebook account, one that you didn't know anything about. Suddenly secretive behavior is a strong sign of a cheating spouse, writes couples counselor Elly Prior on her website, Keep an eye out for new email accounts that he refuses to give you the password for, she warns, and think about how often he's been leaving the house or how late he's been working. Has he been disappearing more than usual? Has he only been coming home from work to sleep?

He's Become Withdrawn and Distant

Cheating husbands often pull back from their families. This distancing behavior can exhibit itself in a number of different ways, writes private investigator Keith L. Walker in "Signs of a Cheating Husband," on If a man is having an affair, he may show less interest in his relationship with you, even when it comes to being physically affectionate. He might discourage you from contacting him while he's at work, or even from going places with him. Think about if you've felt pushed out of his life lately and left to stand on the sidelines while he continues with his routine. If so, you've got cause for concern.

He's Newly Interested in His Apperance

Has he gone from chip-loving couch potato to a gym-loving health nut? A renewed interest in his appearance could signify that your husband is having a midlife crisis, but more likely, it's a sign that he's cheating, warns private investigator Danine Manette in an interview in Woman's Day. And a different appearance isn't just limited to his suddenly wanting to move in to the gym. Men who are having an affair also grow beards, change their cologne, and buy new clothes, all because they're interested in being appealing to an outside love interest, says Manette.

About the Author

A New York native, Carrie Stemke is an avid writer, editor and traveler whose work has covered many different topics. She has had a lifelong fascination with and love of psychology, and hold's a bachelor's degree in the subject. Her psychology research articles have been published in Personality and Individual Differences and in Modern Psychological Studies.

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