How to Tell if Your Husband is Cheating

by Shelley Frost ; Updated March 15, 2018

A suspicious feeling in your gut is a surprisingly reliable indicator that something's wrong.

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How can you tell if your husband is cheating? It's not always easy. You might notice changes in his behaviors or the way he treats you, but those signs can be caused by other things, too. Determining that your husband is cheating can help you evaluate the situation, but an open, honest conversation is a good idea if you suspect something is happening. Sometimes changes in personality and behavior are related to other issues and don't mean your husband is being unfaithful.

Personality and Past Habits

While it's not a concrete way to tell if your husband's cheating, his personality and past behaviors can be a sign that he could potentially be unfaithful. If your husband doesn't seem committed to the relationship, he may be more likely to stray. A decrease in satisfaction with the relationship in general or with sex life can increase the chances of cheating. Some people who have cheated in the past may be more likely to cheat again. Another factor is an environment or social circle in which infidelity is acceptable or not considered a big deal. Your husband isn't necessarily going to cheat just because of one of these factors, but they can contribute to infidelity.

Schedule Changes

A sudden change to your husband's schedule could indicate that he's seeing someone else. This may be easy to spot if your husband used to have a very regular, predictable schedule. He might suddenly start coming home a lot later than normal or leaving without telling you why. He may say he has work trips that he never used to take, or he suddenly has more trips than normal.

Personality Changes

You may notice changes in how your husband acts around you. He may start pulling away from you or seem distant. You might see an increase in credit card charges or notice that he keeps more cash in his wallet. He might suddenly ask more about your schedule, which helps him determine when he can see the other person. You might catch him in lies because he forgets what he told you he was doing.

You might notice a change in his friends' personalities and behaviors toward you, too. If a friend knows he's having an affair, he may feel strange around you. He might try to avoid you or treat you differently because he knows the secret, and he knows how it might affect you.

Secretive Behavior

If your partner is having an affair, he doesn't want you to know about it, so he might act more secretive than normal. If he suddenly guards his phone protectively, he could be trying to avoid letting you see messages or his call log. Hiding his computer or wiping his browsing history is another potential sign. He may change passwords, especially if you know his old passwords, or he might create a completely new email account.

Increased Focus on Appearance

When a man is seeing someone new, he often wants to improve his appearance to look his best. Suddenly worrying more about his appearance or changing the way he dresses significantly could be a sign that he's trying to impress someone else. You might notice that he hits the gym more than normal, for example.

Changes in Sexual Preferences

Notice a change in the bedroom? Not wanting to have sex with you isn't the only potential sign of an affair. He may suddenly discover an increased desire for sex, which can make him want more sex with you, too. He may also want to try new things in the bedroom.

Conversation Clues

Talking to your husband could reveal some clues about infidelity even if you don't ask him outright if he's cheating. If you bring up the changes in his behavior, he might try to turn it around on you, making you feel like you're imagining it or you're the one who has changed. He may start criticizing you for no reason. He might try to change the subject when you bring up something that could reveal his secret. Or he might get angry when you question his behaviors due to the guilt he feels.

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About the Author

Shelley Frost writes professionally on a full-time basis, specializing in lifestyle, family, parenting and relationship topics. She holds an education degree and has extensive experience working with kids and parents.