Making the decision to date your ex-wife is never an easy one. Once you've decided to take the plunge there are some basic rules you may want to consider. There are issues you want to make sure are either taken care of or in the past. Then there is the entire dating scenario and the questions of how fast or slow to move, what is appropriate and what is not. While it's not the easiest decision, it can turn out quite well for both you and your ex.
Be ready. The worst thing you can do is jump into dating your e- wife if you have doubts. This can cause repeated heart ache for you both. Remember that old annoyances may surface. Be ready to overcome these by quickly recognizing them and consider placing the same importance (or lack thereof) on them as you would if you were dating someone new.
Take your time. You divorced for a reason. Rushing back into your relationship could result in inadvertently sweeping old hurts under the rug. These will come back eventually, so feel free to take it one step at a time so that when things come up you aren't already so emotionally deep into the relationship that you can't discuss it objectively.
Don't relive the past. If what you and your ex-wife tried in the past had worked she wouldn't be your ex. Ask yourself what you want for your personal future and go forward. Approach the relationship from a different angle this time. If you were too clingy, face your trust issues and allow her to have her space. If you were too aloof make an honest attempt to find interest in her work or hobbies and look her in the eye when she shares her thoughts with you.
Never assume. It's easy, because of your history, to jump to conclusions or have preconceived notions of what her motives are or what she's thinking. Lay these aside and remind yourself that you are starting fresh. Listen with new ears. Observe her with new eyes. This is a fresh chance for the two of you.
Relax. You're not married anymore. You're just dating. There is no rush, no obligation to make it something it's not, and no pressure to perform in old ways or according to old precepts. Enjoy the moment with your ex-wife.
- Respect yourself. If your relationship brought out the worst in you or made you feel insignificant, you may want to ask yourself it it's worth trying again. Your emotional health is of utmost importance. If the relationship leaves you feeling drained, depressed or resentful you may want to consider that it isn't the best idea to try again.
Renee Miller has been writing professionally since 2008. Her accomplishments include being featured in Harlots' Sauce online magazine in January 2009, among others. She studied communications at Auburn University. She is currently a designer for an upscale floral design shop. She decorates homes and businesses, designs wedding flowers and is known for her exquisite sympathy designs.