When you first start to date someone, it's normal to feel a little nervous and apprehensive. It's the fear of the unknown, after all. For some people, after a period of dating and by the time the relationship develops into something more committed, most of the initial anxieties have disappeared. This isn't always the case, however. If you still don't feel comfortable around your boyfriend, the first thing to do is stop worrying about it. Work out where your uneasiness is coming from, address it in the right way, and it shouldn't be long before you're feeling much more relaxed with him.
Determine why you feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend. Perhaps he says certain things to you that make you feel insecure. Or maybe you haven't been together for very long and you're still getting to know him. It is normal for shy people to take a while to feel relaxed in a new relationship. Talk to your boyfriend if your discomfort is due to something he has said or done. He may not even be aware of the effect his actions or words have had on you. Be honest about how you feel, and if he cares about you, he will be willing to take the necessary steps to make you feel more comfortable.
Pinpoint ways in which you can work through some of your discomfort with your boyfriend. For example, if you are overweight, worried that he is judging you and reluctant to have physical contact with him, start eating healthier and getting regular exercise. Do it for yourself, not for your boyfriend. The more confident you feel, the better your relationship will be. Learn to love yourself to give your relationship a greater chance of success. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship instead of dwelling on what might be wrong.
Set aside concerns about getting intimate in the bedroom. It's normal to feel a little anxious about getting up close and personal with a new boyfriend. Take the time to work out what makes you feel good. Experiment on your own and get comfortable with your body. The more relaxed you feel in your own skin, the more comfortable you will feel getting intimate with your boyfriend. Remind yourself that he finds you attractive and desirable whenever you're feeling a little insecure or self-conscious. Talk to your boyfriend about your sexual desires and reservations. It may be embarrassing at first, but it's a crucial step toward establishing a close connection.
- Talk to close friends about how you feel. Most of them will have experienced something similar, and it may help to share your concerns.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."