Guessing the motive for another person's actions can be a sure way to insanity. But when you are biting your nails on Friday afternoon wondering whether you'll see your boyfriend over the weekend, it is hard not to wonder why he can't simply make plans in advance. The reasons behind this inconsiderate behavior may be benign or make you reconsider the relationship.
Different Time Management Style
While some people have structured or list-driven time management styles, others have a style that is free flowing, says corporate consultant Julie Anne Jones on her website. People with this style live in the moment and enjoy spontaneity. If this is the reason for your boyfriend's inability to make a plan that is more than 30 minutes in the future, you'll know. He'll always be up for an impromptu drive to the coast or an unplanned get-together with friends. In this case, your best bet might be to accept his spontaneous approach to life.
He's Keeping His Options Open
If your guy is waiting until the last minute to see you because he wants to keep his romantic options open, you have a problem. You can't control what a person chooses to do with his life, says sexual health educator Debby Herbenick in the Psychology Today article "Unrequited Love and Lust: When The One You Want Doesn’t Want You Back." This doesn't mean you have to accept this behavior. You may want to reevaluate the relationship and make a decision about whether you want to proceed.
An even more difficult problem is that of selfishness. Your boyfriend may not make plans because he doesn't see why he should bother. One definition of selfishness, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is "seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others." If you suspect that the reason he won't set aside his Saturday nights for you is because he wants to see if his friends will be getting together to watch the game, rethink your relationship.
If your boyfriend is a U.S. senator, consider forgiving him for his last-minute calls. After all, impromptu press conferences are difficult to plan around. If he's busy because he's got an active social life that doesn't include you, that's a different matter. If he can plan a fishing trip with his best buddy, he can certainly make plans to escort you to the concert you want to see. How your man spends his time is a clear statement of his priorities. If you are not happy being his second priority -- or third, or fourth -- it is time to move him down on your list.
Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.
Allen Simon/Stockbyte/Getty Images