What Do You Tell a Married Guy Who Wants to Cheat on His Wife With You?

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

Many women received unwanted attention from men, and a 1998 study published in “Health Care for Women International” revealed that such attention can cause feelings of victimization, depression and demoralization.If a married man suggests you cheat with him, have a ready comeback or rebuff, in addition to negative body language, to convince him to move on.

But You’re Married!

Remind the married man that you know that he is married and you aren’t interested. You might make it clear that you have no intentions in having any kind of a romantic or sexual relationship with a married man. Let him know that you aren’t a home wrecker or a cheat and that you have no respect for a man who would do that to his wife. If he persists, let him know that you think his wife would be interested in finding out what he is doing when she isn’t around. If that doesn’t send him scurrying away, you might enlist friends or people around you to put some distance between you and the married Casanova.

"No" Means "No"

Some men assume that a negative response is a sign he needs to negotiate with you, according to Almie Rose in “Stop Hitting on Me.” Let him know that your “no” is final and not a sign that you want him to persist. Include body language that lets him know his attentions are unwanted, such as moving away from him, avoiding his touch, not making eye contact, refusing to laugh at his jokes or respond to his flattery. Don’t give him a number if he asks for one, even a fake one. Turn your back on him and find someone else to talk to or walk away from him.

I'm Not Available!

Let the married guy know that you aren’t available. You can tell him about your bruiser of a husband or boyfriend who would be very angry and willing to teach him not to poach, suggests Pretty Young Professional, a career resource for young professional women, in “How to Cut Out the Unwanted Come-Ons.” Flash a wedding or engagement ring or allude to an impending wedding. If he persists, telling you that he doesn’t mind that you are committed, let him know that you mind and have no intention of cheating, regardless of his lack of morals.

Can You Say "Sexual Harassment?"

If the married man is a co-worker and he doesn’t take “no” seriously and stop, realize that you can ask for help from your supervisor or human resource department. They will take an accusation of sexual harassment serious. If he stops immediately, however, it isn’t sexual harassment and should not be pursued further, according to sex therapist and psychotherapist Marty Klein, Ph.D., in “Sexual Harassment -- Or Unwanted Sexual Attention?” Realize you could get flack for ratting him out, so pursue this option as a last resort.

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About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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