Breakups are often messy, and sometimes even couples who still love each other find themselves splitting up. If you are still in love with your ex-boyfriend and want to give the relationship another go, you have to let him know how you feel. This will take courage if you don't know how he will react or if there's a chance he may not feel the same way about you. But it is the only way for you to completely move on -- either separately or together.
Make sure you have dealt with the aftermath of the breakup before you tell your ex-boyfriend you still love him. Identify the reasons you split up and work out how your relationship could be improved. Consider ways in which you may have been at fault, as well as your ex. Put it all down on paper if it helps. Avoid being so overcome with loving feelings for your ex that you ignore the problems in your relationship that led to your breakup.
Contact your ex-boyfriend. The best way to do this depends on whether you two are still friends, how long ago you split up and whether he has a new girlfriend. Take it slowly if you haven't been in touch for a while or if you don't know whether he is single or attached. Re-establish contact with a friendly text or email. Apologize to him if you treated him badly during the relationship or while you were breaking up. Resist the temptation to pressure him into meeting up with you or revealing your feelings at this stage. Give him time to get used to the fact that you have been in touch.
Treat your ex-boyfriend with respect. Mutual respect is a vital ingredient of a happy, secure relationship. If he has a new girlfriend, be there for him as a friend. Keep up the contact with regular texts and emails. Get on with your own life by spending time with friends and keeping up your hobbies. He's unlikely to be attracted to you if you are giving the impression you are moping around at home missing him.
Arrange a face-to-face meeting with your ex-boyfriend to let him see the emotion in your eyes when you tell him how you feel. Choose an appropriate place, where you will have privacy and won't be distracted. Tell him you have learned from your mistakes and want to give the relationship another shot. Speak from the heart and be honest about your feelings for him. Don't beg him to get back together. It's up to him to decide what he wants to do and how he feels about you.
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- Psychology Today: How To to Get An an Ex Back -- 5 Essential Steps
- Cosmopolitan: How to Get Back With Your Ex
- The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships; Dr. John M. Gottman
- Getting the Love You Want; Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
- Psychology Today: 7 Keys to a Healthy and Happy Relationship
- Before getting back together, make sure you are both equally committed to resolving the problems that led to the breakup. Talk to each other about what you feel was wrong the first time around. Be honest with each other and avoid blame. Consider seeing a couples counselor together to help you rebuild your relationship.
- Accept that your boyfriend may not feel the same way about you. Prepare yourself for a range of responses from him and have a close friend or relative on standby if you need some comfort and support.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."
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