What Actions Can I Do to Rebuild Trust With My Wife?

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When trust is broken, it takes time, effort and patience to rebuild the relationship. If you have broken a promise or a vow or lied to your wife, show your remorse through actions that indicate you are willing to acknowledge wrongdoing and commit to an honest, open partnership. Actions often speak louder than words. Taking the steps to rebuild a trustworthy bond with your wife can significantly improve your marriage.

Establish Expectations

Although many couples understand the importance of honesty, when a breach in trust occurs, emotions can become tense. Be realistic about your downfall or dishonesty, recommends Lynette Hoy, marriage and family counselor and author of “What’s Good About Anger?” Understand that people are human and failure can occur. However, know your limits, too. Discuss realistic expectations within the relationship with your wife. For example, avoid making promises you can’t keep. Over-promising and over-committing yourself can provide false hope and ultimately lead to disappointment and resentment if you cannot fulfill your obligations.

Acknowledge a Breach in Trust

It may be difficult to acknowledge that you have hurt your wife, but in order to rekindle trust in your relationship, it’s a crucial step. Admit that your behavior was hurtful or neglectful. By emphasizing the importance of trust and your genuine care for her feelings, your wife may realize that hurt feelings are inevitable in relationships. Ignoring the breach in trust will only foster feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness, which can be catastrophic in a marriage.

Communicate Your Feelings

When a partner lies, breaks a promise or commits an act that is hurtful, it compromises your ability to trust one another. You both may experience a variety of emotions that could hinder your communication. Keep the lines of communication open by discussing what you feel, what led to the breach in trust and your remorse for your actions. Recognize that all couples experience hurt at some point, says Hoy. Validate each other’s feelings and reassure one another that these feelings are natural and real. With open communication, you and your wife can begin to create a plan to avoid any future breaches in trust. If you both feel comfortable communicating openly and honestly, you minimize the need for secrets or little white lies.

Take Responsibility

If you have faltered as a husband, rebuild your relationship by taking responsibility for your actions. Often times, pride and egos prevent spouses from admitting when they are wrong, says Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader for The Ken Blanchard Companies, in his article “Five Steps to Repair Broken Trust.” Muster up the courage to admit when you’re wrong and take responsibility by offering a sincere apology. Although you may say, “I’m sorry” to your wife, show that you are remorseful by asking for forgiveness.