Despite what Hollywood may portray in the romantic comedy du jour, marriage does not always include a happily ever after. Many women suffer through painful marriages that leave them feeling alone and with the desire to lessen the distance by reconnecting with their husbands. Winning your husband back is no easy task, but it can be possible with a strong motivation and the deep belief that you can. Making a concrete plan for moving forward and figuring out problematic relational issues are both necessary in the attempt to save your marriage.

Ask yourself how committed you are to saving your marriage. To be successful, you need to have an incredible desire to stay married to your husband. Sure, you want to live out the dream you planned and avoid the cost and toll of divorce on you and your family, but you must be sure that you love this man and can envision a great future together. Can you picture yourself happy without him? What makes you want to stay with him?

Believe that you can repair your marriage. Make a list of the reasons why you can win your husband back and carry out around in your wallet for when you need a reminder. If your husband is acting as if the relationship issues are beyond repair, it can be easy to get discouraged. If he tells you he’s not sure if he loves you, it can be even more heartbreaking. Do not lose hope. The key to carrying out your plan will be to always maintain the strong belief that you will save your marriage.

Make a plan to move forward. Start with baby steps to slowly start improving your relationship. The key here is to have patience. Make loving gestures to show that you still have affection for your husband. Initiate meaningful conversations. Do nice things without expecting anything in return.

Changes need to take place in the marriage if you want to change the dynamic of your relationship. Figure out what’s destroying your relationship and causing distance between you. Ask yourself if those constant fights are really necessary. Is there something you can change about the way you communicate that would prevent major blowups? Most people could use more practice in active listening. If you really listen and develop empathy for your partner, it will be hard to stay angry. Figure out what your destructive relational dynamic is and replace it with healthier interaction.

Seek professional help. Figuring out your destructive patterns is often hard to do alone. Emotions are involved and of course you are a bit biased. You need an objective opinion. Sometimes that requires more than a friend, but talking to a friend for advice is better than nothing. If you are really committed to saving your marriage, seek the services of a relationship coach or therapist.