As sacred and as beautiful marriage is, it isn't a guarantee that you will love your wife for the rest of your life. Although your mind might convince you that you ought to stay with the person you exchanged vows with, your heart has the final say. As heartbreaking as the truth is that you are in love with someone else, your wife deserves to know the truth.
Choose a time that your wife won't be preoccupied. Make sure she isn't in a rush to be somewhere else, such as a work meeting or another scheduled event. Select a time when she isn't tired or sleepy so she can give you her full attention.
Ask your wife to sit down because you have news that you need to share.
Be honest and state your feelings. Let her know your emotional state of mind. Most likely, you are feeling confused and torn. Tell your wife that you have treasured your wedding vows, but you have developed feelings for another woman. If you no longer love your wife, tell her. Although this might feel like a crushing blow, it's important that your wife get a true picture of the situation.
Tell your wife that you aren't sure what to do. State that you don't know if you should follow your vows or follow your true happiness. Explain to her that you don't want to resent her and be miserable the rest of your life if you stay in the marriage.
Answer any questions that your wife might have. She will want to know information about the other woman such as how you met, where does she live and when do you see her. Be prepared to explain to her why you are in love with the other woman. She will also want to know how long you have been feeling this way. She might also want to know what is wrong with your marriage.
State that you never meant for this to happen but life is unpredictable. Tell her that you treasure the time that you have spent with her. Let her know that it wasn't her fault.
Discuss what you plan to do. Some couples will pursue marriage counseling to save the relationship. Counseling can help you work on issues in the relationship. Counseling requires a commitment and you must be open about the dynamics of the affair.
Determine if your relationship can be saved. Consider if you should pursue divorce if you are unhappy in the marriage.
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- Be honest with yourself. Marriage isn't easy and it's an ongoing process. If you feel the relationship is worth saving, do everything that you can.
- Consider the consequences. Think about the impact that this will have on others, such as your children.