Many people have been there -- online stalking an ex they aren’t quite over and envisioning a romantic reconciliation. The problem with those daydreams is that they can often hold you back, inhibiting your ability to move on and let go of what once was. When those feelings are still strong though, how do you stop wishing that your ex will walk back through your door?
Nurture Other Bonds
Throughout the course of a romantic relationship, you become attached to your partner and come to rely on that person for support and understanding. Once your mate is gone, you go through a series of withdrawals, mourning the loss of that attachment figure you had become so reliant upon. However, now is the time to remind yourself that your ex wasn’t your only source of support. Lean on friends and family and allow them to become those attachment figures you can count on as you work toward getting over your ex.
Letting go of your ex means creating clear boundaries so that the two of you can’t continue to walk in and out of each other’s lives. It is only natural to hold out hope for a reconciliation when your ex remains a part of your day-to-day life. Truly moving on requires creating a bit of distance. Set boundaries between you and your ex and separate yourself from people and situations that will keep pushing the two of you together. You may not have to cut ties forever, but it is a smart thing to do at least in the beginning.
Stay Away From Booze
Too much drinking can only increase those feelings of needing your ex and wanting to make contact. Think of all the times you have committed the error of drunk dialing someone from your past, only to eventually regret that decision. Don’t set yourself up for those kinds of mistakes. Instead, remain sober as you allow yourself time to work through this hurt.
If you want to stop hoping for the return of your ex, you need to shift your romantic focus and discover the fun of dating again. That doesn’t mean looking for your next great love right out the gate, but rather opening yourself up to the excitement of getting to know someone new. Take a casual approach and look at dating as a networking opportunity for now, remaining open to the possibility that you could meet someone truly great.
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Living in Alaska, Leah Campbell has traveled the world and written extensively on topics relating to infertility, dating, adoption and parenting. She recently released her first book, and holds a psychology degree (with an emphasis in child development and abnormal child psychology) from San Diego State University.
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