How to Stop Hurting the One You Love the Most

by Kristen Moutria

An intense romantic relationship can be both satisfying and filled with conflict. You may wonder why you say or do things to hurt your lover. But by examining your past and being deliberate about your actions and words, you have the power to change.

Find the Cause

Childhood experiences shape our expectations for a relationship, according to the Relationship Institute in Royal Oak, Mich. For example, if your family was filled with anger and strife, you may have subconsciously developed an expectation of conflict. If you start fights with your lover or give him the silent treatment, examine your past and try to determine if those early experiences are leading to destructive behavior in your current relationship.

Develop Trust

Your relationship may lack trust. If you quickly fall in love with someone but subconsciously fear he may cheat, you may lash out because you fear his dishonesty. Take a step back and recognize that your lover has done nothing wrong. This will help you develop a closer bond.


Good communication is essential to making sure you do not hurt your lover unintentionally. Think before you speak. Make your partner feel comfortable enough to share his thoughts with you. Work on creating a loving presence with your partner, according to the Relationship Institute. Focus on him and eliminate any distractions, such as telephone or television. Communication is a special privilege that will help you appreciate the sacredness of your relationship.

Build Self-Esteem

You might unintentionally hurt your lover because of personal insecurity. For example, if you feel insecure about your body image, you might joke with your partner about the way he looks. Instead of criticizing, focus on making yourself feel better. Join a fitness class or focus on healthier eating habits to improve your self-concept. Take time to energize and refuel after work in order to get a clearer perspective of the challenges that make you feel inadequate. This will give you confidence to avoid hurting the one you love the most.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

Photo Credits

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