Swinging is a sexual lifestyle that many couples—both married and unmarried—get into for various reasons. Swinging involves sharing your partner with others in a sexual setting. Some couples try it for fun and find that it satisfies its purpose. Others get into swinging in the hopes of adding spice to their sex lives. In many cases, one party is more interested in the experience than the other, which can cause problems in a relationship. While it can be difficult, getting out of the lifestyle is the best way to begin a healing process.
Talk with your partner. The biggest hurdle in leaving the swinging lifestyle is when one person in a couple doesn't want to leave the lifestyle. This can cause serious problems in your relationship. Before you sit down to talk with your partner about leaving the swinging lifestyle, make a list of pros and cons. Talk about why the two of you chose the lifestyle in the first place. Give examples why the swinging lifestyle is more harmful than helpful to your relationship. Bring up health issues. If the two of you began swinging as a way to spice up your sex life, suggest other ways to do that without bringing in outside people.
Maintain your stance. If you no longer want to share your partner with others, you need to make that clear to your partner. You need to be willing to seek the advice of a sex counselor if your partner isn't agreeable to leaving the swinging lifestyle. If your partner refuses to leave the lifestyle, you should be willing to leave the relationship. Don't continue participating in the swinging lifestyle just to stay with your partner. This is counterproductive and will lead to an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. Even if you convince your partner to leave the lifestyle, consulting a sex counselor may be wise. It can help pinpoint the troubles in your relationship that initially led to swinging.
Sever ties with friends and acquaintances who are active in the swinging lifestyle. This is important. As much as you may want to keep some of these relationships, having the temptation around can lead you right back into the lifestyle. You may believe you can swing on a limited basis, but even this can lead you back to the initial problems caused by engaging in sexual activity with someone other than your partner. Just like an alcoholic or a drug addict in recovery, it is important that you change not only the way you think, but everything about your life, including friends who represent the lifestyle you wish to leave behind.
Carl Hose is the author of the anthology "Dead Horizon" and the the zombie novella "Dead Rising." His work has appeared in "Cold Storage," "Butcher Knives and Body Counts," "Writer's Journal," and "Lighthouse Digest.". He is editor of the "Dark Light" anthology to benefit Ronald McDonald House Charities.