The relationship is going swimmingly, but your long-term boyfriend wants no part in living together or getting married. Realizing that you and your boyfriend have differing views on the future of your relationship can leave you reeling. Though the news can be difficult to digest, there are several possible paths you can take into the future.
Though a boyfriend says he does not want to live together or get married, a discussion can help you figure out why he feels that way, according to Jen Kim, writing for "Psychology Today." Your boyfriend may be concerned about his finances or worried about finding a long-term, stable job. A fear of commitment or worries about divorce can also keep a boyfriend from proposing or moving in with his significant other. If those concerns are keeping a relationship from progressing, ask if he is willing to work through them with the help of a relationship counselor or therapist.
Continuing the Relationship
Everyone has different tastes, and your boyfriend's desire to live alone and stay unmarried may not change even after having a discussion. Instead, you can evaluate whether or not this arrangement is acceptable for you in the long-term. You may find that you can still have your important needs met in your relationship without living together or getting married. A lawyer practicing in family law may be able to help you address any legal or financial concerns for unmarried couples, like matters of inheritance, according to the non-profit organization Unmarried Equality.
You may find that staying in a long-term relationship without living together or marrying is suitable for your boyfriend, but not for you. Accepting that you have different needs and goals for the relationship may mean that you want to end the relationship, according to the Center for Young Women's Health. Friends and family can help you through this difficult process, and keeping busy with your daily routine may ease the heartache. Resuming old friendships, taking on new hobbies, or getting involved with a local charity or organization can also be helpful for those grieving an ending relationship.
Deciding whether to stay or leave a long-term relationship that is not meeting your desires and goals can leave you feeling grief-stricken. A counselor or therapist can help you figure out what you value in a relationship, and what you can and cannot accept from a partner. If you do choose to leave, remember that your grief will fade as time goes on, according to the Center for Young Women's Health. If you stay in the relationship, remember that your boyfriend's perspective on living together and getting married may never change.
Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.
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