Relationships don't always go smoothly. You may have fallen for the man of your dreams -- but he is reluctant to commit to you. This can be an extremely confusing, hurtful situation that may affect your confidence and state of mind. It's not easy to love a noncommittal man. You owe it to yourself to take control of the situation.
Look at How He Acts
The clearest sign that a man is noncommittal is that you never know where you stand with him. You don't know if you are in a serious relationship or not. You don't know how he really feels about you. You don't even know if he'll be around next weekend. He lives by his own rules, and expects you to fit in with his plans. He may blow hot and cold -- one minute, he's treating you like a princess -- and then he appears to fall off the face of the earth for days at a time.
Look at What's Behind His Behavior
Don't assume there's any great mystery behind a man's reluctance to commit. In most cases, it comes down to one simple reason, says matchmaker Kiki Strickland in the article "Five Reasons Why He Won't Commit," for "YourTango." Perhaps he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship or he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with you. He may want to play the field for a while -- until he decides who he wants to commit to. In this case, he may be dating other women, too. He may feel that there are issues to be resolved in your relationship until he makes a commitment. Perhaps he doesn't see any need to commit to you, because he knows you'll stick around whether he commits or not.
Know that your lover only gets away with being noncommittal because you let him. You may have been too scared to have the "Where do we stand?" conversation with him. Perhaps, you're hoping that he just needs more time to make a commitment to you, so you let a lot of unreasonable behavior go unnoticed. If you want this relationship to go anywhere, you need to find out exactly where you stand. This means that you shouldn't enable his noncommittal behavior any more, say relationship experts Natasha Burton, Meagan McCrary and Julie Fishman, in the article, "6 Relationship Red Flags That Should Be Dating Dealbreakers," for "YourTango."
Be Clear With Him
You are already in love with a noncommittal man, so in some respects you have nothing to lose. You must be honest with him, says Strickland. Tell him how you feel about him, and make it clear that you are looking for a commitment from him. As difficult as it may be, you need to tell him that you will end the relationship if he cannot commit. The thought of leaving him may be tough, but you must consider the alternative. You cannot waste your life with a man who doesn't meet your needs because it will only lead to more heartache in the future. Don't let him make excuses. If he tells you he needs more time, ask him what time-frame he has in mind, and then decide whether you are willing to wait.
Focus on Yourself
If you are willing to wait for your man to commit to you, make sure you don't neglect the other areas of your life. Concentrate on boosting your self-esteem, suggests clinical psychologist Frances Cohen Praver in the article, "He Just Won't Commit," for "Psychology Today." Spend time with supportive friends and relatives, pursue your interests and explore new activities and challenges to widen your social circle and learn new skills. If a man sees you as independent, adventurous and confident, he may be keener to commit to you.
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."
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