Everyone has a past – some peoples’ pasts have more of an impact on their present and future circumstances than others, especially in the case of fathers who have unhealthy relationships with their child’s mothers. When in a relationship with a man who has baby mama drama, it is important to consider yours and your family’s needs, and to determine if you are willing to support him through his familial challenges.
Maintain Healthy, Open Communication
“Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship,” states HealthGuide.org “As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.” Healthy, open communication requires you to be direct with your mate when something is bothering you, and to listen to him when he is expressing himself to you. If the two of you have a conflict influenced by the child’s mother, it is important for you to use healthy conflict resolution skills such as avoiding the tendency to place blame on your mate, or taking a break from handling any disputes if you are too angry. Good communication and healthy ways to resolve conflicts can strengthen the bond and deepen the love between you.
Support and Avoid Judgment
It is important to support your partner and his child if they are experiencing the effects of drama between your mate and his child’s mother. Being supportive is a loving gesture that will help your mate and his child during difficult times. When being supportive, avoid being quick to judge him for certain decisions he may have to make to maintain peace with his child’s mother. For instance, if his child’s mother has a tendency to take her frustrations out on your partner by keeping his child away from him, your partner may choose to ignore some of her negative behaviors in an attempt to avoid her wrath. As opposed to thinking he is a coward for not handling their disputes differently, try to support his actions and assure him that things will eventually get better.
Detach From the Situation
Although easier said than done, it is best for you to detach yourself from the drama between your mate and his child’s mother. If you resist the urge to take some of his challenges personally, it will help you be supportive of and loving toward your mate. Whenever you feel yourself getting tense and upset about battles your partner is experiencing with his child’s mother, “Imagine emotionally unplugging or detaching from the situation to increase awareness,” recommends counselor Joyce Marter, writing with “Wellness Times.” By increasing awareness, you can determine if you have a valid concern, or if your anger is fueled by something that does not involve you. If you have to speak with your mate about what's bothering you, be sure to approach him when you are calm, and to use healthy conflict resolution techniques -- such as active listening and avoiding behaviors that make things worse -- to resolve the issue.
What You Want
Ultimately, you will have to make a decision as to whether or not you are willing to deal with your mate’s familial challenges. If you are willing to accept his situation – his child’s mother and his children -- then it will be easier to continue to love him through his difficulties than if you’re not sure about where you stand on this issue. If you are not sure, write out a list of pros and cons that exist within your relationship. If you find that there are more reasons to stay than leave your mate, then work on accepting things you cannot change and allow the love between the two of you to deepen. If you determine that more red flags and cons exist than positive aspects within your relationship, be honest with yourself and your partner and let the relationship go.
K. Nola Mokeyane has written professionally since 2006, and has contributed to various online publications, including "Global Post" and Modern Mom. Nola enjoys writing about health, wellness and spirituality. She is a member of the Atlanta Writer's Club.