What Happens When the Love in Marriage Is Gone?

by Kristyn Hammond
Both people in a marriage have to be willing to put forth the effort to make it work.

Both people in a marriage have to be willing to put forth the effort to make it work.

Whether from distance, physically or emotionally, including the inability to recover from painful moments within your marriage, couples can reach a point where they feel as though the love is gone in their marriage. While these feelings are powerful, they force you to consider what you can do to turn it around or to consider other alternatives. Falling out of love does not have to mean that your marriage is over, but it does mean that you will have to work to get it back.

Start Over

Marriages can span decades, during which time people change. Your interests change, you find new hobbies and you give up many pursuits that interested you in your youth. In short, with age, you and your spouse become different people, and these changes can come at the cost of the love you once felt for each other. You can use these changes as an excuse to get to know each other better and fall in love all over again. Getting to know each other again involves spending time talking and searching for new hobbies and interests that you both share.


A period of formal separation is a means of giving a couple the opportunity to review their lives to determine how they wish to proceed. Couples in separation often realize that their spouse means more to them than they previously realized, or they may learn that they appreciate the distance. The time that separation gives couples to consider their marriage is meant to give them a perspective on their relationship without their spouse and to help them see what feelings they still have for them.

Separate Ways

Distance in a marriage, especially from long periods of separation or painful decisions, can be too great for a couple to reconnect. Divorce becomes an option that allows a couple to continue their lives independently. While couples are hesitant to consider this option, it does provide a couple with an important option if the possibility of looking for their love all over again seems impossible. Divorce should be considered with hesitation as marital separation is a family altering decision that impacts you as well as both of your families.

Marriage Therapy

Marriage therapy invites a professional, third-person perspective to your marriage in an attempt to help you address issues of strain that you and your spouse feel. This opinion can provide a valuable insight into your relationship and advise you on the best options for continuing. This option is especially necessary if your marriage has faced problems such as infidelity, poor money management or the stress that you and your spouse feel once your last child has left your home. These pressures are often too powerful for you to address as a couple. A professional perspective can help you through these pains.

About the Author

Kristyn Hammond has been teaching freshman college composition at the university level since 2010. She has experience teaching developmental writing, freshman composition, and freshman composition and research. She currently resides in Central Texas where she works for a small university in the Texas A&M system of schools.

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