How to Deal With Disappointment in Marriage

by Alysia D. Roehrig

A common myth about marriage is that arguments between couples can destroy the relationship. Such a myth has prevailed because people idealize a perfect marriage as one where everything goes smoothly. Contrary to the myth, marriage requires that the couple steer through various challenges and conflicts. Arguments may be the result of your disappointment in your partner, but you can utilize various strategies to handle such disappointments without derailing the marriage.

Maintain Positivity

Being disappointed does not mean you shouldn't expect a happy marriage. Keep in mind that the situation is a passing phase. In maintaining positivity, you should question whether such disappointments are worth losing sleep over or if your current attitude would correct or worsen the situation. Pay attention to the good times you have had in your marriage instead of prioritizing the distressing events. Remembering the happy moments may spur you to get over the disappointment.

Effective Communication

It is important to communicate your disappointment to your spouse quickly. It lessens the impact of the disappointment on you and provides your spouse with the chance to clarify any miscommunication that may have occurred. Your partner can then make amends by exploring the root causes of your disappointment and correct them. In communicating your grudges with your spouse, timing is important. Aim to broach the subject when emotions are not intense.

Proper Negotiations

During discussions about issues in your marriage, both of you can adopt several concessions to make the marriage prosper. Alert your spouse to what you expect from him or her in the marriage, although such expectations need to be reasonable. Fruitful discussions can result from making compromises for the sake of the marriage. For example, a wife could agree to her husband hanging out with his friends on Saturdays while the husband could agree to spend Sundays helping his wife around the house. Compromises are possible if both of you embrace each other’s varied needs, differences or opinions.

Marriage Counseling

A marriage counselor may help prevent an issue from becoming the downfall of your marriage. Enlist the services of such a professional immediately in cases where the marriage may be riddled with serious differences in opinions, needs or expectations. Marriage counselors facilitate understanding between wrangling couples and provide a safe environment for you to communicate your feelings to each other. For example, you could learn how to argue constructively, negotiating for change within the marriage or expressing your disappointments appropriately. These therapists give you valuable knowledge on how to sustain a healthy and long-lasting marriage.

About the Author

Alysia Roehrig began writing in 1997. Her work has been published in various online publications. She is a teacher and educator with experience teaching first grade and special education. Roehrig holds a Ph.D and an Master of Arts in psychology from University of Notre Dame.

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