Problems occur in nearly every relationship, and in some instances it may be easier and healthier for you to end a relationship rather than try to repair it. While couples who live apart can break up with relative ease, living with your ex-to-be can create numerous problems. In addition to the emotional turmoil caused by a breakup, living with someone also requires that you make changes to your living arrangements and settle any financial obligations that you have made as a couple.
Spend a considerable amount of time deciding if you truly want to break up with your partner. Just as breaking up while living with someone is hard to do, so is rekindling your relationship. The process of starting a new lease and moving back in may be just as difficult as the breakup itself.
Create a financial plan that outlines your shared financial responsibilities, including your lease, utilities and any contracted services that you share with your partner such mobile phones and the cable TV bill. Breaking up with your live-in partner can be costly and may require that you have your finances in order to handle the expense.
Decide how to split shared finances and if one of you will remain in your current home. In some cases, it may be cheaper in the long run to pay a contract cancellation fee rather than continuing to subscribe to shared monthly services. If you rent a home or apartment, discuss your options with your landlord, including the possibility of subleasing or finding new tenants to take over your existing lease.
Gather your personal belongings before breaking up. If you wait until the breakup, you might forget something important or valuable while hastily moving. If you intend on staying in your home after the breakup, ask for help in packing your ex's belongings to minimize the risk of your stuff being lost in the shuffle.
Notify close friends and family members about your impending breakup, and enlist their help during the day of the breakup. Having other people around may prevent any unwanted confrontations during the move and can minimize the amount of time spent actually moving out.
Decide how you will break up with your partner. If you are concerned that there may be a confrontation, you may want to consider breaking up via text or phone. If you are intent on moving out, you may also consider moving your stuff while your soon-to-be ex is away to avoid unwanted altercations.
Explain to your ex that you are breaking up and that he needs to collect his things immediately. Make him aware that you have looked into your shared financial responsibilities and discuss with him how you will split those responsibilities.
- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: Factors Associated With Distress Following the Breakup of a Close Relationship
- Journal of Sex Research: Emotional and Physical Satisfaction in Noncohabiting, Cohabiting, and Marital Relationships: The Importance of Jealous Conflict
- Sarah Lawrence College: Roommate Conflicts: Confrontation, Communication, Mediation
- MSN Real Estate: The Best Way to Break up With Your Roommate
- Psychology Today: The Breakup Text Message: 5 Signs It Could Happen To You
- Preparing for your breakup in advance can prevent your ex from attempting to talk you out of breaking up or playing on your emotions by stating that he does not have anywhere to go.
- Just because you are breaking up does not mean that you have to be inconsiderate to his feelings. If you are asking your ex to move out, have a list of affordable housing options available for him in the event that he does not have anywhere to go.
- While many people can break up civilly, some may cross the line by becoming violent, aggressive or may simply refuse to leave. Know your rights and when to get the authorities involved if your ex attempts to cause problems during your breakup.
Anthony Oster is a licensed professional counselor who earned his Master of Science in counseling psychology at the University of Southern Mississippi. He has served as a writer and lead video editor for a small, South Louisiana-based video production company since 2007. Oster is the co-owner of a professional photography business and advises the owner on hardware and software acquisitions for the company.