To truly love another, you must love yourself first. However, being real with yourself and doing some serious soul searching is also a must if you are wondering if what you feel for your wife is love or you just deeply care for her. Keep in mind that loving someone does not mean you are in love, and to really love your wife you have to love her and be in love with her as well. There are several steps you can take to figure out if you love your wife.
Decide what love means to you. Make a list about love and everything that being in a loving relationship means to you.
Clarify and understand the differences between love, infatuation and lust. Lust is about sexual desire, and infatuation is an initial intense feeling that does fade eventually.
Ask others for their opinions of love and how they would define loving someone.
Write about your feelings for your wife. What do you enjoy? What do you have in common?
Think about your overall relationship. How do you communicate? Do you fight constantly? Do you bring out the best or the worst in each other? Can you truly be yourself around each other?
Question yourself about whether you accept her for who she is. Do you even love her faults?
Once you have done some serious soul searching and explored your answers to these questions, you should have a better idea of whether you love your wife.