Moving on after an emotional betrayal may be one of the most difficult tasks a man can face. According to statistics provided at SignsOfACheatingSpouse.com, up to 40% of wives cheat on husbands. While men may adopt a cavalier stance, they can take longer to heal emotionally than women do. They also tend to not deal with emotional pain and disappointment, fall into deeper depressions, and jump into new relationships. But these pitfalls can be avoided, and the knowledge gained can be the first step to an improved life.
Decide to forgive your ex-wife, forget any pain inflicted, and move on to better things. Take steps to eliminate environmental memories in a healthy way. Pack up photos and memorabilia and put them out of sight. Do not succumb to petty behavior, retaliations, or stalking. Realize a person's true nature is revealed during difficult times. Decide that you are a better person now, one who learned another life lesson.
Avoid bringing your anger to new situations. Spend time with friends. Arrange a dinner date with a female friend to become reacquainted with the process of dating again, then don't waste time hashing old memories. Prepare emotionally for anniversaries and holidays, especially during the first year. Plan to spend those events with friends or doing something different and special to build new memories.
Rebuild self esteem through increased attention to dressing better, improved hygiene, diet, and new home decor. Consider a new hairstyle and wardrobe. Join a gym or define a workout schedule. Enroll in a local continuing-education class or activity, like dancing or golf. Pursue a long forgotten dream. Plan a vacation or outing with friends. Take at least a year before venturing into serious dating. Avoid the pitfalls of a broken heart, such as over-indulging in food, drink, or sexual relationships.
Realize that one bad experience does not guarantee a pattern of them. See each romantic prospect as a new adventure, a new possibility. During a new attraction, better analyze compatibility. Don't ignore details, but weigh quirks as well as the pluses.
Don't repeat mistakes that contributed to marital problems. Realize the blame is shared. List what behaviors contributed to her decision to stray. Improve behaviors that can be and accept what can't, although a new love may find them endearing nonetheless. Little measures keep a relationship strong. So, when working on new love, remember special days, learn what is important to her, give her space when she needs it and support when times are tough.
- If you have self-destructive thoughts, uncontrollable anger or thoughts of suicide, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
- If depressed, consider consulting a doctor about medication.